At this stage in our studies, are you starting to recognize how the way you relate to others expresses fleshly energy and passion? Discuss and illustrate what you are discovering.

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    • #95336481

      Realizing how my own Self centered ways has messed up my attempts on soul care time and time again was very refreshing to learn. That soul care starts with what is happens with me on the inside first. This gives a whole new meaning to the saying “you cant help other intel you help yourself.” or ” “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Or “They blind leading the blind”
      You can not effectively discern gods direction from your own self centeredness, until you realize your self centeredness first. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

    • #95335547

      I’m seeing more and more how I too easily forget that God is all I need, and therefore, move toward others with fleshly energy.

    • #95335541

      I see that I can relate to get (taking from others like Satan would) or I can relate to give (as Jesus would). The difference is so much driven by how I see God. Does he know me, love me, take care of me even as he sees me deeply? If he does these things, I am safe and able to move towards others to give of what I have received. My motives will always be mixed, but there is hope that I won’t always be careful (taking care of self), but generous with assurance that God is providing what I need. My flesh will react out of fear and aloneness, but my passion, what is deepest in me as one who is redeemed and loved unalterably by God, can move differently. I can listen without having to say things that help me look smart or good. I can be curious, asking about the other person rather than “connecting” by sharing my story at every chance. Oh Lord, continue your redemption of me!

    • #95335274

      In a profound way I’m horrified to look at my relationships. As Larry shared, I started realizing how much of my relational energy is from the flesh. And it surfaces questions such as “Is my need to connect and relate to people from God or my desire to be loved?” What is driving me to do my job as a pastor, to live with my wife and children, to have friendships? How much of my energy is based on my comfort, security, and satisfaction?

      I noticed a large pile of laundry while getting ready this morning that I often just completely ignore as if it’s not there and it’s somebody else’s job or daily reality. I’m ashamed that my own busyness and need for down time impacts my wife and children. This is perhaps an easy example and there are so many more surfacing.

    • #95333511

      I recognise the Moralist and the Therapist in me. My default approach is: do what’s right, fix what’s wrong. But we are encouraged to think of what’s possible and to release what is good instead.

    • #95333466

      I’m learning that in our attempts at SoulCare, we are seeking to make ourselves feel good by making others feel good, or by fixing them. Wow!

    • #95333064

      Self-awareness of the internal dialogue is pretty important for our self development and to develop ou relationship with God. But following the Dr. Crabbs rationale and process of thought is profoundly compelling understanding how our broken and flalen nature causes us to be egocentrical and demanding when we look to fulfill our desire to recibe love.

    • #95321917

      It makes sense. The basic principal of economics is interest in self.

    • #95321619

      The fact that most of a person’s energy comes from self-centeredness is eye opening. How interesting that this self-centeredness gets in the way of how we react and interact with God and others. If we don’t accept the fact that we line up with God’s image, then the capacity to relate to God may be missing. Missing this link may also deny someone the capacity to receive or give love. When we turn from God and focus on self, we can become demanding. This may sound like give me what I need rather than let me look inside myself, so I can try to provide the kind of relationship that you need.

      I now realize that in my volunteer calls with newly diagnosed cancer patients, I have focused on what my journey was like more than I should. Discovering where this energy comes from and evaluating how I not only view myself but trust and depend on the Spirit should offer these hurting women more authentic care.

    • #95319184

      Yes, I’m discovering the self centeredness that lies within my being which is a large part of my motivation action for wanting to provide soul care. It’s sad how sin pervades every part of us even when we try to do something meaningful or good for another human being. I can see why Paul says all our good works is like filthy rags before God. I can also see why it will take a supernatural power to help me provide soul care in a meaningful way and to help others see their need for God.

    • #95319011

      I can see how my self-centeredness can become barriers for being able to have true soul care for others. Natural tendency is to offer whatever within my comfort zone and try to avoid touchy topics for myself. I know that for many times I am being comforted by Numbers 6: 24-26 “The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace”. it’s not my condition or state of mind that matters. In fact, God still loves me.

      It’s good reminder that not only for myself and also to journey with others back to God. I am there as the bridge, pray that I will be able to provide support with pure conscience.

    • #95318946
      Stephanie Havenski

      I have never thought of myself as a fleshly person/friend. I often pray over my friends, but I have seen where I can do better. How just my words can help more than a simple prayer over them.

    • #95318182

      I am recognizing that I definitely live out of my fleshly energy and passion. A way to illustrate this is this past Valentine’s Day. I longed for my husband to show me love by buying me things and taking me out to eat. That is the way I feel loved-that he has done things for me. That he values me. My husband put little notes all around the house telling me loving things. He took me out for breakfast. He bought me an orchid. It was all about ME and my needs. I didn’t do a single thing for him. I am so needy that I required this to feel deeply loved. As I write this I am so ashamed. I realize that Valentine’s Day is so superficial. It’s all about love above the water line. It has nothing to do with honoring and glorifying God in our love for one another. Lord, help me to have that love that is NOT self- centered but is rather God-centered. Help me to have Trinitarian love with You, my husband and myself.

    • #95316332

      Yes. I am recognizing my self-centeredness in the wonderful deeds that I do for others. They are unselfish acts which at the core meet my own self-need in subtle ways.
      Or, maybe obvious ways, after listening to Dr. Crabb’s lecture. This lecture has given me some profound statements, facts to think about:
      1- Because we’re created in the image of God, we have the capacity to receive love and to give love, as the Trinity is in relationship and love.
      2- Because we are fallen, and have turned away from God, our capacity to receive love is not filled, and it becomes a desperate longing for love that is needy and demanding.

      When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we are in a relationship with God. If we are filled with God’s love, Love itself, we’re no longer needy.
      We’ve been given the love that our souls long for in our relationship with God.
      The problem is, we keep turning from God, essentially telling Him, we’re not interested in the love that He provides. Our spouse, our children, our jobs, etc… will do a fine job of it.
      But, the truth is, when we turn from God, our heart is never satisfied, and the passion that drives us is the self-centered desire to meet our inner self-need.

    • #95314900

      It is definitely easier to understand these truths in my mind and another thing to believe in my soul. This leads me to how I can see in myself that I often relate through my intellect; to stay in my head so I don’t have to feel. When I don’t allow myself to feel, whether consciously or unconsciously, I don’t have to feel the pain of being hurt. Growing up it was not safe to feel any vulnerability because I was then ridiculed, shamed, or left alone to deal with the strong emotions. I did not know how to “process” pain and subsequently, I learned to bury it.

    • #95313954

      Yes, I am becoming more aware of the words and expressions I use to let people know they do not need to struggle alone. Looking into my interior world has humbled me and I continue to consider my own faults in the light of trying to serve a holy Savior. I have also learned to recognize how to address my inadequacies and bringing them to the Lord. Prayerfully asking for wisdom has enabled me to say the right word at the correct moment. I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit can guide, convict and encourage as I seek to live this life for His glory. It is a good reminder that no matter how old we get, we can always learn something the Bible, other believers and during trying times.

    • #95313890

      At the beginning of this lecture it was very revealing as Dr Crabb described his motivations for marriage at age 21. I can relate to the underlying selfishness he describes in his motivations to marry his wife. I dont have to think very hard to recognize several similar self centered motivations that were present when I married my own wife. It was way more about me than I would have ever wanted to admit at the time. What we show the world and even convince ourselves of is that our motivations are noble and self-less but underneath are selfish needs to feel good about ourselves and get what we want. The Pharisees thought they were doing their best to please God but Jesus pointed out how they looked good on the outside but inside were all kinds of selfish motivations for their good behavior. “We keep the rules, arent we good people” The real motivations were greed and self indulgence. Matt 23:25

    • #95312602

      I want to do soul care so that it creates relationships like the people who provided it for me who are now in heaven. When I think of doing this for my own benefit and reasons, I wonder if I should pursue it. I need to trust that God is calling me and my dependence needs to be on him.

    • #95312389

      I identify with the passion to minister to others to make myself feel and look good. This is selfish. It takes conscious choosing to allow God to spill out from a deeper place than all my selfish passion, and to touch another’s life. It is not natural to be other focused, but I have been so blessed when others give me this gift! To love without demand of returned love, is very freeing.

    • #95310554

      My heart, mind and soul is so convicted right now as I think about how I have “loved” people. As I listened to this lesson, I began to think of all of the areas that I need to recognize and then change, the people I need to look at with God lenses and not fleshly “hurt” lenses. If I truly want to be a vessel of God, I need to allow Him to show me areas of my self-centeredness so I can begin being more self-aware and being used to steer people to a relationship with God. This can and will be a painful process, but His love is all I need to be able to work through it.

    • #95310527

      This lesson brought me to my knees weeping and repenting. I thought I know the word of God by heart but am a sham. Too proud of myself. I never put His words into action. I am grateful that God brought me to this study, he has purpose in my life to change me first before I do SoulCare to people. I am amazed as to what God is doing in my life through this study, he is purifying me to the deepest core of my soul. I am so thankful that Dr. Crabb teaching was so intense and anointed.

    • #95308959

      Simply stated, this course so far has helped to show that “no man is good” and “all good deeds are like filthy rags.” It is a huge help to apply Biblical truths.

    • #95301849

      Yes, I have definitely lived my life in many ways being “loving” to others, out of self-centeredness. I am generally kind and helpful, but often with the expectation that others will repay the kindness or give me something in return (even if that is more counterfeit love back).

      I was very intrigued by the last portion, talking about our flesh, and our “style of manipulation”. I became a master manipulator for many years, being outwardly kind but also learning how to force people to do things that I wanted. It was always presented in a way that would make them feel guilty if they didn’t do what I wanted. I have grown a lot and learned that about myself, and I find myself occasionally doing that still, but mostly I’ve been able to find new ways of relating; or accepting it when things don’t go my way.

    • #95293150

      These lessons are igniting in me a gratitude that is revealed in me to know and see how these truths are coming alive in me now and in recent years. I have suffered losses for which God has given me more of Himself. For that I am grateful beyond what I might have gained or experienced without those losses. It has also been made clear to me in revelations that where I have sensed from my noble and loving parents I did not receive the full love and protection from them that I desired and needed – that I would take up that mantle of finding protection for myself. However in all of that seeking of self-protection I was usurping the position of God and His Spirit Who were the only ones to adequately bring me affirmation and protection.

    • #95290005

      The innate tension between selflessly helping others, and selfishly protecting self from pain and hurt often surfaces. What often starts out as a good motive to help another to be more Christ-like, is interrupted by the selfish desire to avoid pain and inconvenience. And it is almost needing to withdraw for awhile, refer to others to do the “inconvenient” work and then return to the person when he is settled. I got to admit journeying with a person in need, especially when they come nearer and nearer to me is a very frightening. Hence, as much as I am ‘able to connect’ and ‘bring the person closer to Christ,” I am also fearful of being held like a life-buoy. Professional relationship that is what most counselors teaches, but it’s this a counterfeit love? Giving the person a false sense of acceptance? Tough!

    • #95284899

      I am so grateful to the Holy Spirit of God for brining me to this course in SoulCare. Not knowing what it would entail. God knew what I needed and when I would need it. God is always bringing us closer and deeper to Him in a intimate close relationship, all the while exposing the hidden sins, the secret sins of our heart, that know one sees or knows not even us hidden below the waterline. Since taking this course Im not so easily ready to give advise or suggestions but to invite the Holy Spirit for guidance and direction. Our flesh always want to be instantly gratified, glorified and acknowledged for whatever we do. Thank you Dr Larry for being transparent through the help of the Holy Spirit that you are able to help me be a real Soul Care provider.

    • #95282692

      What a fraud I have been… beneath the seemingly collected and know-it-all me actually housed my ugly self-centredness. The manipulating of dynamics in my circles of friends… just so my need for affirmation could be met. This is such an awakening. I want to return to the first love, Lord… You! Truly, only God satisfied my thirst and hunger when I first accepted Christ. Along the way I unknowingly replaced Him with spouse and children… and ministry. Forgive me, Lord.

    • #95281818

      Yes I am definitely seeing my self-obsession in the way I relate to others. I am also starting to be more aware of how others may be experiencing me. I am trying to ask more questions and not speculate about someone when I make assumptions. As I am becoming more self-aware, I am confessing the self-obsession and asking the Holy Spirit to give me ears to hear the other person and what they are saying. I am also trying very hard not to jump to conclusions and assume I know what the other person is thinking or feeling.

    • #95279515

      Since starting this study, I need to access everything I do to make sure I ask instead of How I do, but what am I thinking to get to the heart of my motives. At first I was discouraged but now I am trying to learn to embrace my inadequacies.

    • #95278385

      At this point in this class I am again reminded how often I do relate to others with fleshly energy and passion. I think for me as a person who often struggles with being a “people pleaser” I am aware of times when I meet with someone that my heart is wanting to listen and be present with them but there also is a desire deep inside of me for some kind of affirmation. This is something that God continues to make me aware of and it is a real struggle. Today again as I listen to this lecture I am aware of the deep thirst within my soul for more of God and for Him to quench that thirst in ways that only He can.

    • #93870
      Our Daily Bread
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