The dear friend that I can talk to in a transparent way is skilled at listening and not speaking too soon. She is not judgmental or critical and doesn’t try to fix my situation orz even offer advice. This lady loves the Lord and strives to be on a continual growth process in her spiritual walk. These characteristics attracted me to her and let me know that she was a safe place for me to go.
It’s a relationship with a dear friend that is built over 20 years. I was by her side when her husband suddenly passed away and her kid was only 2 years’ old. We go through life’s ups and downs together and are like family. We understand each other so well without saying anything.
My friend Bobbi, she has actually read many of Dr. Crabb’s books and she has really learned how to be a good SoulCare friend. She listened, and has always re-framed things to be seen in light of eternity and God’s plan for my life, as well as my truest desire (which is for God, and nothing else will satisfy). Honestly, at first, I just wanted to gripe about my problems and didn’t feel like I wanted all of my sadness or frustration to lead me back to God… but over time, it has really shifted the core of who I am, how I see life and my problems, and it has created a desire in me to seek God above all else. Honestly, I’m not sure I’d rather go back to seeking earthly pleasures first, or satisfactions through things or people. Yet, even when I think I’m seeking God above my “wants”, I start to see how incredibly untrue that is, and how much I make an idol of things like my home, or reputation, or children, etc. But with the help of someone pointing me back to Jesus in everything, I am going through a hard period of being refined for his ultimate glory.
This friend asks about me in a way that’s not snoopy. They just are genuinely interested in what’s going on with me. I know whatever I tell them they wont judge me. I felt cared for and worth knowing by this friend.
Jan was the second person I opened up to and the first who stuck with me. Her listening and prayer helped birth the life of the authentic, deep relationship. Why? – I had lived in isolation until God – through Al-Anon, a struggling marriage, struggles on the job as a nurse and in the family, small group woman’s Bible Study and support group, a sponsor, individual counseling, and the 4th & 5th of the 12 steps, worked together helped me to see that these deeper relationships were possible.
Space is given for me to rant without any judgement.
Wisdom is given appropriately to steer me back on course.
Confidentiality is maintained cos whatever is shared stopped there.
Want to be known cos we are pilgrims on the same journey serving the same God.
I felt safe to talk to Evangeline about my sexual assault because she was going through/had a similar pain and was open to listen without judgement.