Knowing they can’t manipulate or control the conversation, shows another that there is a real, genuine interest in them. This reveals a trust that perhaps they haven’t known before, and hopefully makes them stop and think that there is something bigger behind the SoulCare provider’s words and actions.
The person feel safe if they know they cannot destroy or control you and will respect you as a person with principles. You will be reliable, you’ll be like an anchor that they can trust and not merely react to words or their emotional behaviour.
If someone knows they can manipulate the outcome of a conversation, or control the relationship, they won’t feel like they can grow or be safe. If the person thinks they can destroy you (hurt you, bring you down with their misery), they will be afraid to do it, or they might see you as weak. If they think they can control you, they’ll never trust what you say, or it will never hold value.
To feel safe with me they need to know I can not be manipulated or intimidated or threatened by them. They need to know I’m strong enough not to be swayed in a particular direction by them. Once they know that, they can feel safe that its truth and reality you are going to deal with and not by a game they are used to playing. They will then be confident that you are strong enough to handle what is really going on inside them without being threatened or manipulated.
If they can control or destoy you, they do not need to be vulnerable and be known for their weakness. Then they will not find the healing and safety of your or God’s love and will continue in the unsafe relationship patterns they have been operating in with others.
A counselee who is not easily controlled nor destroyed portray a stability and strength that a person in need who trust to ‘drop his/her anchor.’ There is a ‘stirring’ within the person as he/she too, desire to be centred upon the ‘rest’ that the counselor has, in the midst of his.her storm.
A person will feel safe with you if they realize that they can neither control nor destroy you because they want to share their soul with someone who is rooted in someone higher than ourselves. They want to reveal themselves to someone who is not easily manipulated or destroyed by their mess. They long for the stability that Jesus Christ offers and when they realize that we are neither easily controlled nor destroyed they fee safe.
A person feels safe knowing that you will remain consistent and that they can depend on you not to reject them as they reveal who they really are. When they see that you are not in appropriately attracted to, distracted by or offended by any parts of them, they feel safe.