My wife likes to bring this up when she’s trying to figure me out. However, I simply don’t remember much of my first 10 years. So early years will mean 10 and above. What I learned early on was that if something was too big, too hairy then I should avoid it to protect myself. At my current age that could be avoiding a conversation, a bill, a complex work situation, anything that re-inforces a message from my family of origin that “I can’t handle it.” And when that happens I immediately go into hiding, anxiety, shaming myself, etc thereby making the situation that was in hindsight simple – impossible to successfully navigate. I do it over and over and over.
Growing up with parents who yelled, fought and didn’t seem happy, I learned to stay quiet. I tried not to say much as making waves only caused matters to worsen. I often withdrew to my shared bedroom where I felt safe. I learned that I had to measure up in order to be liked. I had no idea what the unconditional love of God was or looked like. I was foolish in concluding that my behavior determined the love I received and how I would be accepted by others.
When I was at school, some children had more/better things than me and other children who also didn’t have much. Those with more/better things seemed cool and somehow more confident, more important. That was, probably, my early cinditioning/socialising into the world of consumerism and possessions where one’s status is determined by what they possess. Therefore, it seems natural that happiness comes with/from possessions.
Wanting certain reactions from others
My Dad was handicapped in an accident when I was 3 years old and paralyzed. I learned to be big at a young age and not need anything. No need made things less stressful at home, because there was always more needs than could be met. I filled in for Dad as Mom’s helper in things that I was too little to be responsible for.
Withdrawing to avoid trouble.
I honesty don’t remember
I grew up with my cousins and being the youngest in the group, I would follow their leads in doing things so that I would be allowed to play with them. I would not tell on them and keep their secrets (mischievous acts). This also shaped my behaviour at school that I would always be the one to accommodate the asks or requests of my classmates.
The first memory that came to min as a child was getting things. Getting toys from toy store. Getting treats from the grocery store. Going out to get things for my birthday. Getting little trinkets on vacation. I liked that as a kid, it made me feel special to get things. When I didn’t get things I would indeed respond with ” I hate you”
Compliance brings peace. Non- compliance brings scolding and a feeling of being rejected. So don’t have any opinions and follow the crowd to keep peace. As a teenager this resulted in following the wrong crowd and getting involved in bad behaviors.
Work hard, clean a lot, please others – especially mother, and do not draw attention to yourself. Having need was considered shameful.
I learned to doubt myself and my worth, because others made fun of me or got irritated when I was right about something or got attention. I started to suppress myself in order to not have people be irritated with me, but that caused me not to do and say the things that God created me for.
I learned to wait to be told what to do, because my mother often directed me and micro-managed me. As I got older, that foolishness turned into having no idea who I was and how to act, other than looking to others (sometimes terrible examples). I didn’t learn to think for myself, or stand upon any integrity because I wasn’t sure how to make my own decisions.
I am not able to recall any childhood memories from age 1 to 5. The memories I can vaguely recollect is my time in kindergartens.
Probably the only ‘trauma’ is being asked to squat with some of the other children by a classmate, whilst we waited for the school bus.
What did I learnt? Perhaps, the need to stand up for myself and others in my latter years.
sorry can’t remember too much of 2 to 5 era but sure I would have been naively foolish and demanding things and feelings that satisfied me.
As a 6 plus child I was extremely shy and my parents were my absolute world and security. I remember being shaken to the core one night when I lay awake and heard them argue. I had expected never to see or hear any imperfections in them
Naive Pastors Kid, everyone paid attention to you, were out front all the time
Learned: Behaved and listened would be allowed to do extra things, doing things not accepted would be met with chore or punishment so did not do.
Practiced: I think i just did not rock the boat one way or the other and did what was asked, because i did not cause issues was let to do what i wanted generally.
Naïve foolishness: I grew up being told my mom felt ” a girl after 2 boys at Christmastime….”JOY”.I knew I was celebrated.
Learned foolishness: This was a very stressful time at home and I learned very early if I wanted things to be ok, don’t make dad mad. K have a few memories of playing with my brothers in the snow and that seemed to be happy.
Practiced foolishness: An unpredictable and chaotic time. I learned that at home doing what you were expected to do and staying under the radar at home was the most peaceful. I accepted Christ as my Savior at 7 years old. I learned that the kindness of others was a breath of fresh air. At home I was alone alot. Also there is much I do not remember. I need to think on this more.