This is a new concept for me, but after hearing Dr. Crabb it brings light and answers to some tough situations. As I talk with women recently diagnosed with cancer, they often compliment me and this had made me uncomfortable. I’m not doing my volunteer work for me but rather for them. Now I see that I must stop and focus more on the Spirit’s leading. These conversations are interesting in that I’m not trying to establish a long-term, deep relationship. My purpose is for them to talk with someone who has treated at the Cancer Treatment of America and to be a sounding board for them to ask questions. Nonetheless, I believe that understanding this pull and expressing God-breathed excited may help me relate and awaken their spiritual soul.
Having Christ cantered in any relationship and conversation, it humbled me and allowed me to interact with others not just following their pull but rather what God wants to work through them. I reflect a lot more on the interactions and follow up on specifics. One example lately was with the youths in my Sunday school class about some issues with their fellowship, they’re surprised and felt being cared for at the same time.
Sometimes, when actually feeling uncomfortable in someone’s presenceor because of something that the other person has said/done, I’d respond with insincere praise to the person or their actions. Even though the intention might be described as good – in that it seems to be seeking to build bridges – it is being done in response to interpersonal pull (or rather, push). It is not coming out of the right place of being inspired bu the Holy Spirit so nothing good can actually come out of a conversation like that. It’s not authentic; it’s not helping anyone’s growth; there’s no holy curiosity in it; it is not SoulCare.
I agree with the statement. I always some kind of inward reaction to people I interact with. It might be wanting to please or impress them or if I think they are wrong, I want to set them straight. The key to resisting this pull is to be aware that I am secure in Christ and that security is more important and stronger than any desire to impress or correct someone.
Examples are an individual using entitlement and false guilt to give her money, (even though that is a real need for her), another who, no matter how I try to interact or encourage her, reacts and tells me I should do it a different way and one who wants me to say she should not share with anyone who has not experienced the level of anxiety she has. The first I have to block until she calms down and backs off. The second I tell her my experience and tell her I will keep trying and pray for understanding on both of our parts!!!!! The third I can share gently with her to test the waters for openness, but that there are others who – even if they have not had the extent of hers,- have had some trials and will be able to empathize.
About an hour ago, I felt being pulled by rather strong persuasion to venture into a job that I already “red flags’ hoisted. The persistence to pull was pulled off by my ‘returning’ to Christ last night and early this morning. I was examining the “red flags” with the Lord, and exploring my interior world. I must admit that this is by far the hardest battle I have to fight, because of various vested interest from a few unrelated others. Centering on Christ was easier to stand firm against the pull.
While listening to Dr. Crabb’s explanation about another person’s pull on us, I could recall various interactions where I gave in to another person’s pull. One relationship in particular stands out where I sensed the pull of the other person being manipulative towards me. I felt very uncomfortable with it and I was able to resist it, but I wasn’t prepared for the anger that came when I chose to stand up to the manipulation, and I became very anxious in that relationship, which could be described as allowing her to destroy me. In hindsight, I can see that I was not rooted in Jesus deeply enough to feel secure in spite of the anger. Had I been centered in Christ, I would have been able to recognize her anger as an opportunity, and not a threat.
I never realized how much I react based on the pull of other people. Some examples include my husband. When he is low on energy or frustrated or even playful, I respond to that mood with matching energy, comments, and attention. Instead of allowing the mood and moment to direct me, yielding to the Spirit of Christ in me will allow me to be centered in Christ and dependent on the Holy Spirits leading. IT causes me to listen more, pause, pray as I am listening, surrender my feelings and ideas and have an internal meeting with God before responding to the other person’s pull.
Being centered in Christ will strengthen me to lean on the truth of what He thinks of me rather than a natural pull I feel from someone else. Compliments are a natural pull I have felt recently. In the immediate I reminded myself that I am loved and accepted in Christ as I became aware of the pull I sensed from the person. I quietly acknowledged within myself while at the same time wondered about their motive in the compliment. I did not respond to the compliment but went directly to a question regarding why they wanted to meet with me. When they said something about me, I turned a question back to them to keep the focus on their journeying reality and not me.
In order for a person to feel safe and willing to be explored the soul care provider must be aware of the pull while at the same time keep the attention on the person being explored.