Don’t bring up the past really stood out to me. I can apply this practically by staying focused on the “here and now.” By being in the “here and now” it keeps one focused on the conflict at hand without delivering past hurts.
Timing really stood out most for me. Bedtime is usually the time, undivided attention is available. It usually ends up being a bad time , which leads to criticism, hitting below the belt, and inactive listening. Scheduling time to discuss issues and concerns would alleviate frustration.
Giving more praise instead of acknowledging the negatives (Bringing up the past) is also something I need to work on more. I can apply it practically by being more intentional in praising and positively communicating.
1. 5 to 1 ratio stood out most to me. Applying it practically in our marriage would look like being more complimentary, kind, compassionate and far less critical in my thoughts, emotions and actions
2. Listening to the full thought before saying anything or answering the question in my head.
3. Choosing a time that we both can talk about an issue.
4. Stay away from the past build bridges to the future
5. Remember we are joint heirs in the kingdom
6. She is not the enemy
Focus on the Future stood out the most to me. I need to remember to look forward instead of looking at what happened in the past.
Listen more than I talk. I need to be deliberate in taking the time to listen to my wife . I’m bad at tuning her out or stop listening part way through the conversation.
To deal with one issue at a time. I feel like we tend to build up a list of issues before trying to have a seious conversation to go over them. Then it will make the communication tough and unplesant; sooner or later one party becomes tired and try to wrap up the discussion quickly. Nothing truly get resolved.
No good conversation happens after 9.
That some couples only spend 6 minutes a week in serious discussion. I can’t imagine only having 6 minutes a week to talk with my spouse. While we spend more than 6 mins talking each day, I will be more observant that we spend even more time each day/night having discussions. I also am bad at combining more than one topic into one conversation.
Focus on the future, listen more than talk and avoid negative words and build one another up. That is three but the first two will help me do the third. How? Memorize/Review often the verses Don’t judge by appearance but with righteous judgment. John 7:24 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore, encourage one another and build up one another.” Try to listen to the Holy Spirit. Also – Slow down and work less.
I am working to create a listening habit. I know that this is big issue in our marriage. My mind can wander away very easy and be in a complete other place. The instructions I receive during this course will help to do some homework and be more or better prepare in our conversations. I have definitely decided to improve this aspect of my marriage.
Listen, Listen, Listen. Active listening is very effective & the best is to speak less and listen more. A six-inch tongue can kill a six-footer man.
Number 7 Focus on the future stood out most to me. I think applying this principle will help to focus on solutions and communication.
One rule that seems very strong is to actively listen and don’t be thinking about what you are going to say but listen. Listen more and speak less.
What stood out more is the need to continue listening without thinking of a response and repeating what you thought they said in a way to clarify. Wonderful must achieve step!
Out of the ten rules, the one that stood out to me was rule number nine, be brief. My sweet husband is very patient but I tend to go into great details about issues in our life and I lose him early on in the conversation which causes me frustration and him to be confused. I believe applying the bullet point statement that was suggested will be effective in better communication between us.