If I am bad, if I see myself as defficient then the next thought seems to be that I’m the only one that can control it, we then isolate ourselves from God and from His community. The very word ‘control’ is a falsehood that we all think of at one time or another. But it can be so pervasive in a person that we can’t see anything but that we are a bad person and that it’s up to us to make sure the hurt never happens again, thereby abandoning all dependence on God. Often times I’ve had to read self-help books for work, school, etc and I leave with the belief that change is all up to me. That I must work harder to change, conceal, and hide than be vulnerable, heal, and grow in the power of Christ.
A poor self-image can surface from someone who has been wronged. Usually this involves a trust issue which causes a person to have deep hurt to the point of drawing a conclusion not to trust anyone. A belief may be formed that no one can be trusted and protection will not come from anyone. As a result, the victim may decide that the only way to cope is by taking charge of their life and being in control. In this belief, nobody is trustworthy so they hide, won’t take a risk, blame themself and chose to have a bad self-image and rebellious attitude towards God.
Because I cannot control what happens to me I life, it is easy to take control of myself and drive myself in a way that is harmful and self protective. It gives me something to put energy into, while running from pain. It also distracts me from being honest with what happened and finding God in the pain. He is there to comfort me, when unavoidable situations come that I am too little to know how to handle.
If they believe they caused the bad circumstance/situation to happen to them because of something bad about them, then they can have control over future situations by being different.
A poor self-image tends to let the person endure the tough situations. They see limited value in themselves, it is more tolerable (familiar) in choosing to belief they bring the bad things upon themselves. Their poor self- image becomes a self protection mechanism as they do not feel they have the strength or power to change their circumstances.
Having a poor self image makes a person think that they are in control of their lives. If they believe the lie then they are able to work towards their perceived short coming. This is a self defense mechanism because the other alternative would be, ” I am completely defenseless to a dangerous world”. In believing the earlier they are able to do something about it or, be in control.
By starting out believing that I’m a bad person (“bad self image” -which is a lie of our fallen ability to perceive) I also believe that if something bad happens in my life it must be my fault . So so I must double down defensively looking within to ask myself what did I do wrong and what can I do to change it. This gives me the sense that I am in control (God cant be trusted) and that I can control this and I have something to work on to keep it from happening again.
Entitlement was a way in my life for many years I to was abused when I was younger and never really healed from it so I would always defend myself no matter what. As I’m learning so mush from the lens of renewing of the mind and brokenness there is restoration in God’s goodness.
It serve me many heartaches. I was ignorant and self-centered for so many years when that could of been avoided… but God is good
God has given each of us the ability to perceive and think. Add this fact to the truth that our capacity to perceive and also to choose has been corrupted by the Fall. We as corrupted image bearer’s CHOOSE a bad self-image as a way to feel in control is simply saying to God, “I don’t trust you fully, so I must trust myself instead because you failed to love, protect (or add your own verb here) like you said you would. However, in our limited capacity, we don’t understand that how God loves us is not how we perceive God should love us. A sense of feeling in control is then placed above our need to trust Him.
The belief I am bad and must protect myself without God’s help keeps one working at life and operating out of defenses that do not allow real needs to be met.
It is a form of self-protection, it’s a lie that tells them that if they do this, they will avoid feeling similar pain in the future, and it will give them a way of understanding the past. Ultimately, it brings no healing, but rather, more hurt.
It’s defensive purpose is self-preservation – I am in control; I can gain power. It’s a reaction towards bad events/experiences that he/she is not in control over eg. sexual abuse, being lay-off from a job etc.
It fortified he/her against further hurt and pain, through ‘self-deception’ – choosing to believe in what’s not true.
God is not good enough, I’ve got to help myself. “God helps those who help themselves.’
A poor self image is a defensive mechanism whereby the person feels that by changing in some way for the worse he or she will no longer be as desirable etc as before and therefore will be safer in the world