What does Dr. Crabb mean by counterfeit love? How can you be moved from giving people counterfeit love to giving them true love?

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    • #95336449

      Counterfeit love would be some type of action of love and affection given to someone with a hidden agenda. Doing nice things for someone to make you feel better about yourself. “Fake” Love needless to say. Not to say that you don’t care for the person you are being nice to but you are not doing it solely for them, your motivation is you.
      It may not affect the other person at that moment and he/she surely doesn’t know its a self-centered action but this counterfeit love can affect both the one receiving it and the one that is giving it.
      For one, it is a empty gesture- it is only done for a certain purpose for that certain time. Therefore once the purpose is fulfilled, the gesture is longer necessary. this leaves no consistency in your behavior, which could confuse, offend or hurt the other person.
      Secondly, the person giving the counterfeit love is looking for instant gratification for a certain uncomfortable way they are feeling or a need they need met. Only dealing with the topical problem in a superficial way. Therefore there will be no real solution or real change, the deeper problem will not be resolved. Which in turn leaves the person in denial about their internal issues and negates growth.

    • #95335173

      People often present with a problem to be solved, a feeling to handle, or a situation to navigate. What people really want and need is a greater vision for God and to grow in their appetite and experience with Him whether the problem is resolved or not, that is first. There is a self-centered version of love that really comes out of the “old man” way of living instead of a self-sacrifice, other-centered way of loving.

    • #95334816

      Counterfeit love looks like real love on the outside but comes out of self-centered motives. To move like the Trinity and delight to give real love and wisdom, I must be broken, finished with all my self-serving purposes. I must rely on the Spirit for wisdom and speak when motivated by the Spirit.

    • #95334604

      Jesus often argued with the Pharisees and commented about their outward appearance not representing truthfully their inner world. They could do “good” for wrong reasons and be seen as “good.” He used the word hypocrisy for that mismatch of inner and outer worlds. We similarly offer “love” or “good” to others from motives within that are self-oriented, serving only ourselves. To give to others at cost to self as Jesus did, depending on the Father for their good and ours can look similar on the surface to self-motivated love, but the latter will have no power to draw them or us towards God.

      I am moved to love like Jesus by noticing my inner world. I can either move like Jesus in my relationships, or I can move like Satan to get from others at cost to them. When I notice that distinction and compare my motivations to the incredible grace that has ben so undeservedly given to me through the forgiveness of Jesus, I am moved to love similarly. I see that I am loved and cared for without earning or pulling something from others.

    • #95332781

      Counterfeit love are acceptable and comendable public exterior actions made by egocentrical motivations. We can move from counterfeit love changing the internal dialogue and allowing the Holy Spirit to regenerate out motivations and motives.

    • #95321518

      Need caring enough to get to the root causes

    • #95320591

      A person may indeed have the desire to help others. They may be a good listener, offering empathy, advice and even praying with someone. Yet if any selfish or self-centered desires are underlying, they may be offering counterfeit love.

      By going deeper, a Christian can look at the heart of God that was placed there when Christ was accepted. Looking inside, into that hidden self can reveal more of God, His power and the Holy Spirit that can truly aid in helping someone else and giving God the glory.

    • #95318245

      Counterfeit love is like a relationship that is lacking substance. I may be doing and saying what’s text book accurate, feel that I am doing a decent job which is a very much self-centered approach. Throughout the dealing, everything is superficial and I am not ready to go any deeper. Even quoting the bible verses with prayers feel cheap as the other party is still left to struggle alone. There is no journeying together and let alone growing in Christ together.

      To be able to move on to give others true love, I will have to be vulnerable and willing to acknowledge my own brokenness. Recognizing healings are from the love of God through which we are reminded to listen to the Holy Spirit’s guidance with the ultimate vision to honour God. It will ignite the Holy passion that is deep down in us and allow our hearts to be in check.

    • #95315982

      Counterfeit love is righteous, kind, caring behaviors and words that are motivated by deep self-centeredness within our hearts.
      We can only give people true love when our actions are the result of our desire to glorify God, honor God, be more like Christ.
      Only God can put such pure, unadulterated love in our hearts. I find most ‘good’ ‘selfless’ things I do have an unspoken self-centered motive … to be praised, loved, honored, valued, etc.

    • #95314811

      Counterfeit love is doing or saying something that on the outside looks Christian, but beneath the surface a person’s motives are self-centered. Through my own brokenness of my sin (mess), my true nature in Christ can be revealed.

    • #95313956

      Other adjectives to describe counterfeit include copied, simulated, feigned. A look-alike copy but not real. If we try to provide soul care to others but have not taken the time to assess ourselves that is what we offer. We can learn the proper lingo and techniques, but it will not go far. Remembering the ultimate sacrifice of God’s Son puts into perspective the true meaning of love. In turn, pursuing and maintaining a passionate relationship with Jesus should always be our aim. Eliminating the self-centeredness in our actions when providing SoulCare is necessary. Although not possible to completely disseminate such inclination it is helpful to be reminded of how we need God’s grace which is more than sufficient for us, everyday.

    • #95312810

      counterfeit love is giving someone a made up love. in most cases we tell the person what they want to hear to make ourselves feel adequate. do we care about that persons problems? i would think we do not.

    • #95312777

      I think recognize this counterfeit love in myself. It is this being nice and saying the right thing but the underlying motive was for me to feel good. The motive was about having nice things said about me and how helpful I was and how well I handled that or how much better they feel after talking to me or how wowed they are by what I did and how I did it. It wasn’t really focused on what God might have in mind for them and how he might want to have them grow in their faith.
      Getting moved away from counterfeit love and toward giving them true love I think starts with getting honest about my motives. Once I recognize the self-centered motives in my self, I also need to acknowledge I am inadequate to “fix” them. To realized that God envisions something more than just the immediate circumstance of the other person. To begin to try and see what God may be doing in the other persons life and to desire that first of all. Hopefully then I can see myself as a part of what God is going to do despite my inadequacy. Use of scriptural principles and prayer for the other person will then be from a different motivation.

    • #95312536

      Counterfeit love is when you are doing nice things or showing kindness to people to make yourself feel better or for them to think you were building, but your motivation is not pure. Embracing our own in adequacy in order to rely on the Holy Spirit and his work process from counterproductive to real love.

    • #95309682

      I view counterfeit love as wanting others to see me as one thing on the outside, but hiding what’s actually on the inside. Only God and myself can see what’s happening beneath the waterline and until I can come to full realization of what that looks like and what it is, I am deceiving those around me with counterfeit love. I need to rid myself of self-centeredness and make way to actually be Christ to others.

    • #95309489

      Counterfeit love is when you want to look good to others, it’s self centered, selfish and deceiving.

      Since the spirit of God lives in us when we accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior, therefore our actions will manifest the love of God through showing kindness “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” Ephesians 4:32, loving unconditionally “Love your neighbor as yourself’” Matthew 22:29; and being humble “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2

    • #95309488

      Counterfeit love is when you want to look good to others, it’s self centered, selfish and deceiving.

      Since the spirit of God lives in us when we accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior, therefore our actions will manifest the love of God through showing kindness “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” Ephesians 4:32, loving unconditionally “Love your neighbor as yourself’” Matthew 22:29; and being humble “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2

    • #95309466

      Counterfeit love is when I say what the person for whom I am caring wants to hear, or agree with what she is trying to convince herself of, rather than diving beneath the waterline into another’s mess and speaking truth in love. Keeping people comfortable instead of inviting them to more, is not true love. Jesus wants us to come to maturity, and we ought to long for the same in others.

    • #95308893

      Dr. Crabb calls counterfeit love the action that appears to be good but has the wrong reasons. In order for us to be able to give actual love to other people, we must have help from the Holy Spirit. As in most things, begin with prayer. Through the Holy Spirit, we can be moved with a desire to truly love others.

    • #95301847

      Counterfeit love is when we do “nice” things that don’t look selfish, but really we are being self-centered and just trying to make life comfortable for us. When we treat others kindly, but we do it because we want to be liked, or treated well, or to feel good about our choices and our character, it’s really just a self-serving action.

      As we begin to be moved by the Spirit and we look inward at what’s happening inside of us when we interact with others, we begin to spot the kind of love that only serves ourselves. We see how we are really looking at “me” instead of the other person. The more I love my Lord, the more I want to love others, simply because he first loved us.

    • #95290004

      Counterfeit love, even when it looks good, comes out of a deep, passionate self-centeredness.

      The Gospel of Christ that God has put in the core of our being, beneath our self-centered passions, that reflect the heart of God. The transforming love of Christ that forgives me, compels me, invigorates me, humble me, holds me… True Love is a passion within us that “is rooted in Christ, rooted in the Spirit of Christ, a passion that says that “I have no greater joy than to see the other person growing more and more Christ-like!” and I will take all pain to see the another person closer to Jesus.

      I really like this extract taken from the course notes
      “Like Jesus, whose central preoccupation was to honor the Father, whose appetite for God was stronger than His appetite to avoid pain. That is why He went to the cross—not because it felt good, it felt bad. It was the worst suffering any man ever endured. But He was willing to do that because His appetite for the Father was stronger than His appetite for personal comfort.”

    • #95284071

      Counterfeit love is selfish, self-centered attention. Its all about me – what about me -pick me pick me- see me see me- I have to have the first and the last word- Im always right syndrome. In order to give true love -even to your self- you have to be filled with it. Jesus left HIS Spirit -The HolySpirit to lead us into all truth. Jhn 16:13. GOD is true love. 1John4:7; 10; 12; & 16.

    • #95282182

      Counterfeit love stems from our self-centredness and utilitarian motivation. It’s the love we offer which reaps benefits back for ourselves. Like a ‘well done’ pat on our backs. As believers of Christ we may want to remind ourselves that we were redeemed by the Blood of Christ and not by our own works. God poured forth His Love to reconcile us back to Him by sacrificing His only Son Jesus. Let this humbling truth remind ourselves of our inadequacy, our brokenness. Let our love for God motivate us to love on people with true love and stir up their appetite for God. To build them up to bear good fruits. To glorify only Him.

    • #95281930

      Counterfeit love is when what I say is to ease or try to fix the problem with God’s wisdom. Temporal experience. My person can feel as if at ease for the moment. It does last and it’s back to square one after a few days or weeks. True love is when I come to the point that I don’t have the answer but let’s have God be the centre of it. Let’s ask God togather.

    • #95280011

      I think counterfeit love is when you think you are really loving someone but you are really loving myself. I can love someone and be kind to them and care about them but all of that makes me feel good about me or it gets them to do nice things for me. So it is about me and loving myself. I think this is our human nature and we can’t change it on our own. I think we can only really truly love someone with an other-centered love if we are being transformed to be like Jesus.

    • #95279652

      Acounterfeit love has self-centredness at heart. It is often seeking a pat on the back. eg. what a good counselor I am, see how much time I have devoted to this issue, what a good, knowledgeable friend I am
      etc,etc To overcome this , the counselor needs to assess the inner self and our motives etc. Instead we need to help the person to become more God centred by caring firstly for their soul

    • #93869
      Our Daily Bread
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