When the other person feels that they can either control or destroy me, then the conversation has moved to an un-safe ground. At that point, I’ve taken my eyes off God and moved to a siding or agreeing position with that person.
If, as a SoulCare provider, you find yourself being controlled by the interpersonal pull, it means you’ve taken yourself from under the control and guidance of God and the Holy Spirit, and it is not Christ who is determining what you think, say and do. Therefore, your SoulCare isn’t being delivered by God but is simply a conversation between two human beings – with all the pitfalls that such an encounter is likely to present you with. This makes you un-safe for the other person.
When I gave in to their pull, siding with them, I offer nothing that they did not know. They would feel that I would not be able to journey with them as they search for their life values and strength to press on.
They realize they can control you in some way — whether manipulate you, or break you. And then they will not feel like they can either get help from you, nor that they cannot destroy you with their story or situation. If you don’t give in, it lets them know you are someone they can trust to listen and to help guide them, without fear of destroying you in some way in the process (whether intentionally or unintentionally).
I think they sense that they are in control and that this relationship is not going to be genuine and open. Maybe without realizing it they know that they can manipulate or control the direction of the conversation and never have to be completely real. Instead, they can hide behind their niceness or their nastiness to protect themselves.
Giving in to the other person’s interpersonal pull makes you unsafe because that is how they have related to others and is a way of controlling that does not work for being known and for closeness in relationships.
I am “unsafe” as I have no personal conviction, hence unreliable.
If they can pull me over to them, others may too, pull me away from them.
It makes you unsafe to them because they realize that you can be controlled by them. They see that you respond more to their manipulation and mood that to their true need to be guided by Christ.