[Christina Horway]

Having a relationship with Christ is the most important. If we do not read the Bible and pray everyday it will reflect in our duties. Ignoring the passions inside us is detrimental. Providing care to others we need to take care of ourselves first. I do not mean this selfishly. Taking the time to pray fervently, acting in obedience to His Word (and pursuing godliness) can provide us with wisdom in how to counsel. If we can humbly recognize that we need Jesus everyday-we can better equip those to seek and pursue God passionately.

[Christina Horway]

In this discussion, I will be supposing the position that an inside look is not necessary, despite my opinion strongly disagreeing with this notion. One of the dominant reasons for this stance is pride. Focusing on the other individual should be our priority. We need to be sure to ask the right questions for reflection so the other feels listened and cared for. If we evaluated ourselves every time we were to help someone we would never fully be competent. There is always something going on in our lives that may distract us and in turn we may focus on ourselves and how we feel instead of aiding the person who came to us in the first place.
If we spend too much time reflecting on our faults of our hidden interior it can be consuming. Being self-critical at every point can be discouraging. Such self-reflection on a constant basis can be exhausting . It is important when being confided in to follow up and show profound interest. Showing curiosity to the individual who has shared a struggle deserves to be known. If a shallow relationship is established there is no power in helping that individual. It is a duty to carry out to listen carefully, respond with compassion and provide a safe experience as this is a relationship offered.

[Christina Horway]

It is difficult to be vulnerable. Finding people to trust and not gossip about our troubles to others might be a reason individuals are resist to engage with others in such manner. No one wants to be looked at with pity, disgust, or other negative range of emotions/reactions based on our decisions. Even if someone shares an experience another cannot truly understand what the other is feeling. A reason that keeps me turning my chair towards others is for fear of gossip. Words can damage and it is necessary for us to be aware of how it can impact our lives in order to sustain relationships. Creating new friendships is always exciting, but it does take effort on both sides for the relationship regardless of its nature to work. Edifying each other in support of circumstances is always welcome.

[Christina Horway]

I believe that when people happen to mention something to another they want to be listened to. It is important to ask how you can help them get to where they want to be. A small goal perhaps, but not providing advice unless they ask for it. We have to trust in others to provide wisdom to our lives which is why having a mentor who has studied the bible and practices such principles is helpful. It is difficult to ask others for help because our society has expressed that such action is expressing weakness, which in fact is the opposite. It takes courage for one to recognize that a change needs to be made. Having another person who can guide or even just be available can encourage the individual to think through the options and path they may want to take moving forward. An individual has to recognize he or she has a problem, and submit themselves to Christ. Repenting of sin, reading God’s Word, being discipled and encouraged to help us through our journeys in this life.

[Christina Horway]

In response to Richard: I believe it necessary for self-reflection for spiritual growth. If there is something in our lives that is not going as expected how are we supposed to just ‘stop it?’. I do believe I understand your point of submitting to God which I agree with. Although, I believe it necessary to practice what we preach. If we are not growing spiritually and learning from our experiences how are we to aid others? If we are stubborn in unforgiveness for example-how are we to counsel someone to do the same? Providing advice without living it first is hypocritical. Matthew 23:3 illustrates this point “Therefore whatever they tell you to observe, that observe and do, but do not do according to their works ;for they say, and do not do.” If someone is coming to a counselor for aid, wouldn’t you want your advice taken into consideration and acted upon?

We constantly need the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Looking into our interior world we can be honest about our need for Christ-which I believe is what you are alluding to. Taking this step enables us to understand that we need Him first and foremost. We cannot help others without first recognizing the need for our dear Savior. Dr. Crabb states that the most frightening aspect of SoulCare is facing ourselves. Fixing an individual is not the goal, nor is it a technique to be mastered. It is our privilege to direct those who come for counsel to direct them to thirst for a relationship with Christ.