• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Posted by info on 02/25/2021 at 10:29

  Tricia Hershberger replied 1 day, 11 hours ago 209 Members · 216 Replies
• 216 Replies

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  Tricia Hershberger

  Member

  06/25/2025 at 14:07

  So often, we are afraid of rejection: “If they knew who I really am down deep, they wouldn’t even want to be in the same room.” We sometimes present a polished veneer… or sometimes an unpolished one that presents just enough of our personal issues to keep others from asking about the issues we don’t want them to know about.

  I have changed communities many times in my life, and it takes time to find the people who are “safe” in each community. Until I find safety and “turn my chair toward another,” I often test the waters by presenting parts of my “unpolishedness.” Subconsciously, I think: “Let them think they know what’s wrong with me so they don’t explore any deeper until I’m ready.”

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  Kelly Morrison

  Member

  05/31/2025 at 15:29

  We fear being vulnerable because we fear rejection. Many avoid and deny their own internal worm, let alone risk someone biting too deeply and discovering it. We avoid being seen by other people. We attempt to fool ourselves into thinking we can avoid being seen by God. All in an effort to avoid rejection.

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  Emmanuel Duncan

  Member

  05/26/2025 at 19:36

  Don’t want to get invoved

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  Larry Hill

  Member

  05/14/2025 at 08:19

  I believe there can be many reasons for being hesitant even resistant to open up and share. We all come from different backgrounds and up bringing. I believe 2 reasons dominate the struggle to open up. One, guilt and shame cause people to lock themselves up in a box. The idea , I am not worthy to be heard or inadequate because of something they have done or experienced. The reasons that cause guilt and shame are many. The second reason which can come with guilt and shame or it can stand alone in locking us up is fear. Fear can be a prison for so many, even Christians. Fear is only conquered thru the perfect love found in Christ, but because of the imperfect love we can experience from other people that are not so perfect, it can have a devastating effect on our lives. Bad relationships can cause so many layers of problems for people. Betrayal, abandonment, rejection, and the list goes on, can create deep wounds that heal slowly, leave big scares, or may still be open and yet to heal.

  I have numerous stories I remember through out my life where I experienced guilt, shame and fear. I believe betrayal may have affected me the most and at the deepest level. My guilt and shame were self induced from sin in my life that I knew better or was ignoring. Betrayal strikes differently for it destroys trust, creates anxiety, causes all types of fear, takes away hope, peace and has future consequences until it is resolved to some capacity.

  Turning your chair to another requires compassion, trust and courage. Having someone willing to turn their chair to you, is a special privilege and should be handled with extreme care and compassion. The result can be special beyond words to describe.

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  E.Y. Coley, III

  Member

  05/08/2025 at 10:29

  The shame of sin is one primary reason a person does not want to “turn their chair” towards us. It may be a fear of discovery, loss of status, or a sin that could lead to real loss of relationship or employment. Certainly in a common church setting, people are interested in appearing holy, as a rule, and many have been hurt within the church when they have attempted to be transparent. For my own part, it has been sometimes a struggle to feel that even when a person within the church community might seem willing to listen, it feels like just a matter of form, not a serious interest in really knowing and wanting to walk with me through a difficulty. In late 2022 when my father passed away, I experienced this in our church. I had really wanted there to be a person who might identify with the loss and the difficulty of that, yet most were content just to offer socially appropriate condolences, then move on. That in turn created a feeling within my heart to isolate and be insulated from being disappointed in that way again.

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