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Lesson OneIntroduction to SoulCare: Getting Started on the Journey3 Activities1 Assessment
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Lesson TwoThe First Task in Learning to Provide SoulCare: Knowing What You're After and What It Takes to Get There3 Activities1 Assessment
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Lesson ThreeA Personal Search: Beginning with an Inside Look3 Activities1 Assessment
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Lesson FourThe Concept of Ruling Passions: What Energy Carries You into the Life of Another3 Activities1 Assessment
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Lesson FiveBrokenness: The Key to Releasing the Power of SoulCare3 Activities1 Assessment
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Lesson SixThe Good and the Bad in the Human Soul: Self-Need vs. Soul-Thirst3 Activities1 Assessment
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Lesson SevenEntering the Battle for Another's Soul: The First Step3 Activities1 Assessment
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Lesson EightWisdom: A Roadmap for Entering the Soul Without Getting Lost3 Activities1 Assessment
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Lesson NineGetting into the Battle: Moving Below the Waterline from the Presenting Problem to the Story of the Soul3 Activities1 Assessment
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Lesson TenAgents of Growth: What SoulCare Can Do in Our Lives3 Activities1 Assessment
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Course Wrap-UpCourse Completion1 Activity1 Assessment
Participants 569
Discussion Questions
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Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.
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I believe people do not turn their chairs towards others because it can feel very dangerous to let someone into their lives. It feel more comfortable to to hide a person’s inner struggle than for others to be aware of it. Also, people may feel that sharing inner thoughts or struggles won’t really be helpful or aid in building relationships. I believe that shame may also play a role in this.
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I think root of not “turning our chairs” is fear. It’s fear of many different things but ultimately loving others is vulnerable and scary. Allowing people to see us and know us is risky business and it is easier to just not do it. I think we tend to make the excuses you mentioned up above but I think the root of the majority of it is fear despite whether we are aware of it or not. In my own personal experience, I think a big example is getting married. I didn’t want to get married because I was fearful of connection, the ultimate turning of a chair. I recently did get married and turning the chair is hard and scary but also beautiful. It takes courage to turn our chairs towards one another.
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How did you post your photo?
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After reflecting on the question I believe sometimes it could be shame, sometimes it may be fear and sometimes it may be as simple as being able to trust.
For me, it took being at the end of my rope to able to share with a stranger (counselor) my deepest feelings and regrets. I allowed myself to sink low in self respect with a deep continued feeling of uselessness. All of these feeling came from years of mental and physical abuse. I reached out once to a family member I trusted earlier for help but was told to keep quiet. I felt totally alone. I trusted no one.
Thankfully, after over a year of counseling, from someone I learned to trust, I was able to open my heart and change my life. Now, I speak up to anyone who begins to share with me. I tell them my story when appropriate and listen, really listen to what they are saying. I have learned to be quiet and ask simple questions when needed to help them understand their feelings. I have had several connections with women who needed someone to talk with. I want to learn more in order to help more. -
We desire to have deep relationships, but at the same time fearful of going into deeper relationships. Deep relationships requires one to be vulnerable and often times one is fearful of being rejected, and the reluctance to ‘bear the other person’s burden.” We may be nosy to want to know more of the person, but “scared” when the person’s problems become overwhelming and overbearing. We aren’t ready for the person to hold to us like a ‘float.’ There’s also a misnomer that we need to “fix the person’s problems.”
Personally I have turned my chair instinctively away from others when I find myself being ‘held on like a life buoy,’ and hence have been very careful to whom I develop deep relationship with. I am known to share candidly my thoughts, and my values. Recently, I found that my immediate new supervisor took the opportunity to remove me from my job. It’s not that I care about my job, but the ‘trust’ is lost, and I turn my chair away from him. The ground rules were set that whatever is shared will not be reflected or recorded, as it is meant to be a pastoral care. Well, this doesn’t take away my confidence of developing deep relationship – there is always that risk of being vulnerable, but one’s vulnerability connects us to others too. Without love and trust, it’s not possible to cultivate a deeper relationship. But one has to make the first move to gain trust and show love, to invite others to a deeper realtionship.
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1. Fear that it may lead to rejection or to us getting hurt
2. Feelings of bitterness or resentment towards the person we are next to
3. Not knowing how to form deeper relationshipsIn my own life, not knowing how to form deeper relationships due to former conditioning has contributed to my reluctancy to form deeper relationships. Growing up in a household that lacked communication, allowed little room to express myself, and utilized punishment over discipline, I became accustomed to hiding my true thoughts and feelings and not asking questions.
