• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Loris Mccorvey replied 2 days, 14 hours ago 197 Members · 204 Replies

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  Angela Sciberras

  Member

  07/20/2021 at 16:43

  Several possible reasons why it is so difficult for us to “turn our chairs toward others” are fear, distrust, feeling inadequate, feeling put on the spot to have the answer, lack of time. I think we are getting away from making a point of setting aside time to invest in deeper relationships.

  Fear of being misunderstood/judged I personally think is a big one. I have experienced this myself. People who have not experienced the things I have don’t understand and tend to form judgements based on what they think they would have done, what I should have done, or the choices made that got me in that situation in the first place.

  Another thing I have experienced is a friend or acquaintance approaches me with a problem. They have an excuse for every suggestion and seem to expect that I will somehow solve the problem for them. It is emotionally exhausting to get pulled into that kind of situation and it has made me shy away from getting into deep conversations for fear I will be expected to have (and implement) solutions that I do not have or am not able to do. I am not able to solve the problems of another only provide guidance, but often it seems people seek more than guidance once they have shared the problem.

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  Joshua Lassiter

  Member

  07/15/2021 at 03:29

  The reason I believe we are reluctant to let anyone really know us is fear and lack of trust and the opportunity for us to be discovered by someone. In our society today, we live very private lives but on the outset of our lives we desire to be known just without the mess that we may have caused or what has happened to us in the past. We become ashamed of who we are. Another reason is that we may feel insecure of who we are by the basis of what we’ve done and again what’s been done to us. We fear that vulnerability is something we must shy away from when in reality it brings us closer to who we are and what we are about. It takes time to get to know someone and we are so preoccupied with what is going on around us that we fail to see what’s truly inside of us: Treasure. Despite the trials and the circumstances that we have been through, we are not defined by those things. We also tend to compare and contrast one another in light of what we may or may not have and envy sets in, blocking us from admiring the person. We must accept the fact that we are messy broken people but God wants to restore and redeem that. We don’t have to hide who we are but embrace who we are so people can see the core of who we are. From my experience, a sense of inadequacy comes up for me. Sometimes I feel as though I’m not worthy to be known or loved. I ask myself, “why would anyone want to get to know me?”

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  Joelene Smith

  Member

  07/14/2021 at 15:52

  I find it hard to let someone know me because I have been judged so harshly in my past. I think that today we are taught not to trust one another. To stay away from each other, “the 6 feet social distancing”. I believe this is why people do not turn their chairs to each other and come together because of fear alone and nothing more than that, whether it be because they are scared to be judged or just plain anxious about it.

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  Wiafe Bediako

  Member

  07/06/2021 at 09:50

  Most of the time, I find it difficult to really let someone into my comfort zone unless I know the person. Even with that, there are some I keep shallow. For someone I do not know, It is not easy for me to break the ice. I do not know what to say and I feel awkward. Once I broke the ice with a college at work after a long wait and It turn out that the person wanted to know me but did not know how. I think the reason given above some up the reasons why people do not turn the chairs to each other.

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  Doreen Lee

  Member

  07/06/2021 at 06:40

  Feeling inadequate was the reason why I couldn’t go deeper with this church sister who had no issues sharing her personal struggles in our prayer group. She demanded one on one session with me in the hope that I could help her out of her unhappy marriage. I panicked and avoided her. I absolutely regretted losing this friendship. Looking back I realised I didn’t want her to think any less of me for my lack of wisdom. I actually feared judgement and rejection myself! Regrettably I think I made her feel rejected… Many friends and even strangers still come to me to pour their hearts out and I have gradually stopped dreading these encounters. But instead started telling myself ‘it’s not about me…It’s about being a vessel of God’s Love.’ By God’s Grace I have helped stop a teen girl from jumping off a bridge, a friend from leaving her unfaithful husband, another mother out of chronic depression as her son was self harming…. by pointing them to God’s Love for them and also bringing them to appropriate professional counselling. I realise the importance of intentionally making time for individuals who God shows me need heart to heart fellowship. I myself am a beneficiary of this act of love from God-sent angels!

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