• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 1 week ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

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  Jennifer Grandouiller

  Member

  11/09/2021 at 17:33

  I attended the School of Spiritual Direction with Dr. Larry Crabb a couple years ago, and so I’ve really learned how to more easily “turn my chair” toward others in a way that I was NOT able to do before that. However, I still am learning and seeing where I get caught up with reasons not to do it.

  One of those reasons is that I feel that I don’t have time. It’s not even that I don’t WANT to have the time, but I have 3 young children, and I only have a certain amount of time, mental energy, and ability to give my attention during the day. I see many hurting people, and want to give them my attention, but often I just don’t know how to fit it all into my schedule. I’ve learned though, that when I’m alone, or when I’m able to even just give what I have to give in that moment, I stop and listen whenever I can. In fact, yesterday, I found myself without kids; and a lady approached me outside a restaurant to ask a question. Turned out, while talking to her, that she had lost her job that day! I was able to listen, give her my attention, and we did pray together (which I know is not what we want to jump to, but I felt led to do so, and I know that she appreciated it very much in this situation).

  I also find myself not necessarily wanting to give advice, but I do feel like sometimes people are not making the “right” choices. Or, they are just agonizing over details when I want to just say “lay it at the feet of Jesus and let go!” But it took me MANY years to get to the point where I am able to have an attitude of surrender to the Lord, and that I don’t make an idol of as many things in my life that I want to go a very specific way. I need to remember that everyone is on a different place in their journey, and honestly I wouldn’t have found this beautiful place of surrender without a friend who came alongside me and did soul care for many years. So, I need to remember to support people wherever they are, without judgment, and to just have that compelling vision for what God can do through their circumstances.

  Ultimately, I want to be that “safe person” for others, and I don’t want to step into any of these situations with judgment or thoughts of having the “right answer”. It is true, that as we listen to others, what happens inside of us tells us a lot about what God is doing in our own lives, and where we have room to grow deeper in relationship with Him.

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  Wayne Eleneke

  Member

  11/08/2021 at 18:09

  More often than not I feel awkward in a face to face setting unless I am the one asking the questions. Depending on the depth of sharing I will most often share surface stuff due to trust issues. I shut down especially where I am embarrassed.

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  Debbie Wolfbrandt

  Member

  10/31/2021 at 14:19

  I fear that no one really cares about my feelings inside, that my feelings are petty? I also feel that many people have much more that needs to be shared that is more worthy than my situations. I’m worried I’ll be judged or I’ll be ashamed that at my age I am not further progressed in my relationship w Jesus. I fear most people don’t want to know me because I’m not an outgoing personality. I’m stuck on grief and situations that are uncomfortable for people deal with and don’t know what to say to me. Thank you?

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  K Hartley

  Member

  10/22/2021 at 16:02

  I think people often have a difficult unveiling themselves to others because they may be ashamed of their situation and they don’t want to be harshly judged by others. Often they don’t want to be misunderstood.

  I find I may not “turn my chair towards others” because of a lack of time or feeling tired – -I don’t want to bear the weight of someone else’s hard stuff in the moment.

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  Arlene Coley

  Member

  10/16/2021 at 14:05

  I feel ashamed to reveal deeper aspects of who I really am and shaming experiences from my life, especially from my childhood. I feel that people won’t understand or accept me.

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