-
Lesson OneIntroduction to SoulCare: Getting Started on the Journey3 Activities1 Assessment
-
Lesson TwoThe First Task in Learning to Provide SoulCare: Knowing What You're After and What It Takes to Get There3 Activities1 Assessment
-
Lesson ThreeA Personal Search: Beginning with an Inside Look3 Activities1 Assessment
-
Lesson FourThe Concept of Ruling Passions: What Energy Carries You into the Life of Another3 Activities1 Assessment
-
Lesson FiveBrokenness: The Key to Releasing the Power of SoulCare3 Activities1 Assessment
-
Lesson SixThe Good and the Bad in the Human Soul: Self-Need vs. Soul-Thirst3 Activities1 Assessment
-
Lesson SevenEntering the Battle for Another's Soul: The First Step3 Activities1 Assessment
-
Lesson EightWisdom: A Roadmap for Entering the Soul Without Getting Lost3 Activities1 Assessment
-
Lesson NineGetting into the Battle: Moving Below the Waterline from the Presenting Problem to the Story of the Soul3 Activities1 Assessment
-
Lesson TenAgents of Growth: What SoulCare Can Do in Our Lives3 Activities1 Assessment
-
Course Wrap-UpCourse Completion1 Activity1 Assessment
Participants 571
Discussion Questions
-
Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.
-
203 Replies
-
I believe there are many people who have attempted to turn their chairs to another person, only to be hurt by them. This can happen in a marriage, a friendship, a child and parents, and even a pastor to a team. There are sometimes we, as pastors, have opened up our own hearts and shared our struggle, only to find out later that it has been used as gossip. Sometimes, after sharing with another person, people can feel hurt, used, or betrayed. This keeps many people from turning their chairs. “Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.” All of us have been hurt at some point and I think this is a big reason we don’t turn our chairs.
In addition, it always takes someone to initiate the turning of the chairs. Many people wait forever for someone to turn their chair and think to themselves, “If he or she turns their chair, I will turn mine.” We wait for others to take the initiative and they never do. Inside, the person sitting next to us, is thinking the same. And so, for years, people sit next to one another never turning their chair. It takes courage to take that first chair turn and many people don’t have it.
-
I believe the struggle to turn our chair towards another for help is there because of fear of man. “What will they think about me if they know…?” “What will they do if they find out…?” For the one helping I believe the struggle may be in the cost of time, emotions, and grit. For me personally I’m resistant to seek help because I fear rejection and being misunderstood. It feels risky. I’m reluctant to help, even though there is a big part of me that really wants to invest in someone, because I feel inadequate to help and emotionally exhausted.
-
Most people fear to let others into their soul level (emotions, feelings, thoughts..). The main reason is; they have lost their trust on people because of past hurtful experiences. They think, by doing so, they can protect themselves from getting hurt again. But by doing so, they actually close the door for healing. God, through His Spirit, is doing the deep healing inside of us, but God also uses people aa part of our healing journey.
-
The reasons that stand out to me the most revolve around trust. The deepest betrayals come from those that we have most trusted, whether they meant to hurt us or not. If we share nothing, then there’s nothing that can be turned back against us as a weapon. So we hide behind our carefully crafted masks that are designed to hide our insecurity, fear of others, and doubts of our own abilities. It would crush most of us to be seen as weak, not up to the task, or otherwise “less than,” which is of course another reason we fail to have the courage to turn our chairs toward one another. We simply avoid these moments, and go about our busy lives, because in the busyness is safety. We’re so busy in fact that we don’t leave ourselves the time to care for others, or when we want to care, we simply don’t have the time.
Sometimes, as in my case, we are aware of this in others. We all have those people in our lives that always seem to be too busy to care, not just family and friends, but unfortunately, pastors and others that we would expect to do so. Not always, but sometimes. When that happens, I tend to retreat, and turn my chair instead toward things that don’t require the effort of interpersonal relationships.
-
I mainly don’t turn my chair towards others as I find it hard to trust others. I tend to be fairly open and enjoy venturing deep but I remain guarded at the same time. My experience has been most people don’t have time to really meet each other as there are too many other things in life that have to be accomplished. I really believe our world/ culture/ even church culture has possessed time more for their busy lives much more than receiving time as God intended as a gift from the Lord to love Him and others…( not isolating time for just our own lives )