• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 2 days, 20 hours ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

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  Vanita Patterson

  Member

  04/08/2024 at 11:53

  My biggest fear is the fear of inadequacy of the ability to effectively help. I tell people up front that I may not have the answers they’re looking for but I am willing to explore with them together to arrived at a place of understanding and a better outlook on the situation. I feel my honesty is appreciated and barrier are able to be removed.

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  Rafael Infante

  Member

  04/07/2024 at 22:49

  I think that most people think others aren’t willing to listen. Like having the mentality that if they have nothing good to say, they rather not say anything at all. We live in a world where no one wants to hear anything negative. Yet a real person, understands that things that come up in life can be good or bad, and even simply sharing what they’d do in such situations lets another person know they are really listening.

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  Kristina Browning

  Member

  03/15/2024 at 00:42

  I would like to believe that I am reluctant to let anyone really know me because I am too busy or don’t have enough time to “turn chairs”. However, I know that the real reason is because I don’t really trust anyone but my family. It takes a while for me to feel comfortable in opening up deeper to people because I have been hurt before when I let people in close to me. I find that I spend most of my time with my family who already know everything there is to know about me.

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  Jemell Moriah

  Member

  03/14/2024 at 20:33

  I think as a leader I am not comfortable sharing with others my struggles or what’s bothering me. I often think I have to appear to have everything under control. For example, I meet with two other women for intercessory prayers for our church and community and although I am struggling with a particular situation I have never come out and share with them my struggles. I speak in general that I have a struggle but haven’t shared with them what the struggle is all about. I guess I want to keep matters private until I feel comfortable sharing with them. Likewise, they haven’t shared anything with me though they talk about dealing with stuff. I think we all are not feeling comfortable yet to share. I have a couple of close friends who I will share with but I am not yet feeling like I can share my struggles with my prayer partnerss.

  Another reason why I don’t share much is because my husband has been a pastor/teacher for many years and I learned since he was in seminary not to share my struggles with people from the congregation. I have done that for the most part but I have confided in older women, I somehow felft comfortable sharing with those women. I guess felt I could trust those women, in fact those women were like mothers to me so I felt I could share with them.

  I have also learnt to share with people who I felt would pray for me and not talk and about me. Frankly, I don’t think there are many Christian people who would genuinely pray for me so I just don’t share. I share with people who I believe are genuinely concerned about me and my family.

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  Loris Mccorvey

  Member

  03/14/2024 at 15:37

  The difficulty in “turning our chairs” to let someone truly know us stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection and cultural norms emphasizing privacy and discretion. We worry that revealing the most genuine parts of ourselves might lead to being misunderstood or disliked, especially if our personal and familial backgrounds have taught us to guard our vulnerabilities closely. This reluctance is further compounded by the fear that exposing our true selves, with all its imperfections and struggles, could jeopardize our emotional well-being and disrupt the trust we seek to build in relationships. In essence, our hesitancy to open up is a protective mechanism, shaped by both personal insecurities and societal expectations.

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