• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 3 days, 17 hours ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

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  Rachael Tan

  Member

  07/20/2023 at 03:53

  Pride – we don’t want to share our vulnerabilities.
  Lack of care – we don’t care enough about the other person to want to invest the time and emotion to listen, understand, explore and provide support.
  If people around me perceive me (my impressions) that I am sorted out and together, it is hard to share that I am a mess, it is hard to admit my sins, shortcomings and regrets.

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  Carolyn Nelson

  Member

  07/18/2023 at 22:52

  I know for myself that shame is a big factor and fear that people will think less of me because of how they already perceive me to be. My fears keep my feeling, emotions, etc private or selective.

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  Carol Hunt

  Member

  07/17/2023 at 23:07

  Sometimes I feel inadequate, like I’m not doing enough to measure up to the Christian brothers and sisters I am surrounded by, so I would rather just keep moving and not take the time to share more or be asked more. In a small group, it takes time for me to open up more.

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  Sheila Crawford

  Member

  07/05/2023 at 12:48

  For me, it is so much easier to ‘turn my chair’ toward someone to hear their struggles and to offer compassion and encouragement. I often can relate to someone else’s struggle because of my own past struggles but I purpose to always keep my head and heart focused on them. I do feel at times that I am not prepared or equipped to fully understand their struggle and know how to adequately respond. But, through prayer and God’s Word I seek Godly wisdom rather than backing away. Regarding my own struggles, that’s a whole different story. I experience all the challenges most peop,e experience with trust issues, not feeling people really care, feeling I will be judged and on and on and on. Perhaps that’s why it’s so important for me to provide SoulCare to others, because I struggle to receive that for myself, but God is always there. God does not judge my feelings. God loves me unconditionally. God understands my thoughts. God hears and answers my prayers.

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  Rive Marguerite

  Member

  07/04/2023 at 16:11

  Culturally, I grew up in a highly private household, and I was expected to respect others’ privacy and keep conversations “safe” and non-invasive. After many years of serving as a minister, I find it much easier, especially working with individuals living on the margins. There is too much at stake to keep it cordial. I work to create a space of reciprocity, and that requires me to be vulnerable as I invite others to be vulnerable. However, I still consider myself a novice when talking to my peers – which may sound completely counterintuitive. In situations with my peers, I can quickly revert to old patterns of keeping it “respectful and non-invasive.

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