• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 3 days, 22 hours ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

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  Leong

  Member

  07/04/2023 at 09:44

  This question has two layers: Why do I find it difficult to “turn my chair” to seek soulcare from someone? Why do I find it difficult to “turn my chair” to give soulcare to someone? For the first question, it is because it is hard in real life to find a “safe” and “wise” friend to whom to bare one’s soul. It can also be because I am ashamed of some of the things which I have done or I am. Finally, it is a gender characteristic that men gather to talk about politics, climate and topics external to them. For that matter, I was more afraid to talk about feelings when I was single and associating with men, but now I’m more adept to talk about the soul.
  For the second question, it is mostly because I feel inadequate to help. It is also because in the Asian culture we are inclined to care by doing/giving good things to people, but we are reticent to show care by talking about how the person is. So I fear that I’m intruding into a person’s lives by “turning my chair” to him.
  #SoulCare

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  Cynthia Tyson

  Member

  07/01/2023 at 19:40

  It’s difficult for me to turn my chair because I don’t want to face rejection. I also don’t want to reveal myself to the “wrong” person. I’m just learning how to turn my chair towards God so to speak. I remember once telling someone, who I thought was a real friend, something that was very personal, and they revealed it. I was very hurt and that was one experience that started me keeping things close to the vest and keeping people out and at a surface level.

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  Tammy Johnson

  Member

  06/29/2023 at 14:19

  Most likely it’s a time issue – too many irons in the fire – balls to juggle. I’ve personally offered my own struggles with those in my small group and no one entered into the struggle… no offers to know, explore, discover or touch. I’ve felt inadequate myself when others have shared struggles and most often fall back on “I’ll be praying for you.”

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  Julie-anne Guliker

  Member

  06/25/2023 at 22:20

  I think one of the reasons is people lack time, they have never made time to get to know someone, go for a walk, or out for coffee the world is too selfish, too many things to do for ourselves, to make time for others. Goes back to being selfish. My life is more important then others. I have not always wanted to be known when i was hiding a deep secret about my relationship, I think I would have loved it if someone would have taken the time too discover my secret.

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  Alberto

  Member

  06/20/2023 at 10:33

  Fear

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