• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 4 days, 10 hours ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

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  Sabrina Hurt

  Member

  05/24/2023 at 10:16

  I believe all the examples given in the question are accurate for both why we do not open up or get involved. Which is ironic because the average person does not feel seen, heard, understood, known, but yet they also do not do the very things they desire to have for themselves.
  I personally have always struggled with opening up. I keep everyone at a safe distance in my life as a way to keep myself safe and maintain control over how close I allow someone into my life. I am also a deep thinker/processor, so I am very uncomfortable when people reveal their whole life story in a matter of minutes upon first meeting. And in reverse, I also am not comfortable with sharing my life with people unless I know I can trust them with my life, thoughts, feelings and to know that they will put as much effort into understanding me and I am putting into understanding them. To know that they have put care into getting to know and understanding me for who I am.
  I have come to realize that over the course of my life, I have been a source of counseling for many people over the years and for all the stories heard, prayers prayed, tears shared, laughs made, hugs given … that I have kept myself hidden away. I have been learning to do better.

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  Diane Williams

  Member

  05/19/2023 at 23:54

  I think for me it is that I don’t want to get involved, as it is messy. I have heard stories that I haven’t wanted to hear, and wish I hadn’t heard them as they made me uncomfortable and helpless.

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  Shapera Payton

  Member

  05/07/2023 at 21:46

  I agree and enjoyed reading the perspectives here. Additionally I would add that sometimes its just a matter of not knowing how. In a world that is ever changing, we are living in a time where time is elusive, attention spans are short and offense is at an all-time high. Even if the fear of rejection doesn’t cripple us, past traumas doesn’t hinder us , or the self-worthiness doesn’t stop us, we get to situations that seem like it has the potential to be safe only to not know the best way to engage. I often find myself with a deep desire to connect deeply but not sure on the comfort level of the other person and how to “expose” myself in a mutually benefitable way. So in lieu of the strong desire for more authentic encounters, I generally acquiesce to the preferences of the people.

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  Chong Koh

  Member

  05/05/2023 at 21:51

  Couple of thoughts come to mind. I think people are generally busy with their own things, family, children, work, ministry etc. so many do not have the energy and even the motivation to build deep intimate relationships, except maybe with their spouses. The other is fear – fear of rejection if we make ourselves truly known, a sense of inadequacy, awkwardness in expressing our emotions especially for men. It could be a cultural or a personality thing too.
  For a long time, I struggled with opening myself up mainly because of a lack of trust in others, of the fear of disappointment and unmet expectations. However, as I continue to learn that only God is all sufficient and all dependent, I have learn to be less demanding of others and more willing to share my life authentically.

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  Latasha Morgan

  Member

  04/24/2023 at 10:18

  I think that most people don’t want to turn their chairs to are each other for several reasons. Some of those reasons includes time, interest, fear, and they just want to be concerned about their own lives. It isn’t easy listening to other people’s problems. Sometimes what people are saying or doing seems stupid to the people they are talking to. One of the reasons I used to say that I never wanted to be a minister is because I didn’t want people calling me about their problems. I didn’t want to have to deal with people whining about dumb stuff that didn’t make any sense at all. I was a teenager when I said that. Now, I listen to people in my life coaching business and though, there are times I question why I do what I do, I love helping and listening to people. I even want to do it full time.

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