• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 4 days, 17 hours ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

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  Anita Varghese

  Member

  04/20/2023 at 10:34

  In the culture I grew up and live in, its, “your problem is your problem, no time to listen or help you with yours” . I guess most are afraid to take on another persons problem cos it’s more than they can handle. Personally, for me, depending on my own situation, there’s been times I want to help solve issues; there’s been times I just wished “you never came to me with your problems”. Deep down, tho, I know you’re hurting or troubled and we need to find a way to fix it.

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  Jeanette Gubuan

  Member

  04/16/2023 at 21:46

  I wanted to be known for who I really am, even if only to one person in this lifetime. However, some reasons that keep me from totally “turning my chair” towards another are fear (what if they don’t like what they see behind the mask), lack of commitment to sustain the relationship (mine or both ways), constant movement/change of assignment that affects the ability to maintain relationships, and past hurts. I have had people close to me who did not handle well the things I shared; it hurts to be vulnerable and yet remain feeling unseen, unheard, and untouched.

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  Sherryl

  Member

  04/16/2023 at 18:53

  It is difficult to “turn our chairs towards others” for several reasons. Many were already discussed in the topic. One reason I didn’t see was the inability to express oneself confidently. This came into play today at church. A young lady who was chosen by the Lord to serve the Lord wanted to know why the Lord chose her. She felt she was not good enough. The difficulty she had was telling us what it was she was feeling – she said it was difficult to get the right words. I believe some of us can concur that it is often difficult to provide the right words. Feeling inadequate seems to overwhelm us into backing into a corner. We must remember that God has not given us the spirt of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

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  Lashonja Grampus

  Member

  04/10/2023 at 14:10

  Although we want to be known we also fear being known and the ways other people will respond to or use the information in the future.
  Another possible reason is losing people if some feel as though we are no longer a person of value, that we are no longer worth their time because of the things we have or have not done.

  Turning our chairs also requires a level of vulnerability that we are not used to seeing and therefore struggle to emulate.

  Also a lack of time. We are so often rushing from one thing to another with little time between or we are about to have some much needed self time and to truly connect woould require adjusting our schedules and we are not willing to do that that.
  Lastly, selfishness, we have a certain image to uphold and won’t allow anything to come between the image we present and the actual people that we are.

  For me, it’s a fear of how people will use the information they obtain. Will they tarnish my reputation or tell the story to make it sound or appear worse? Will the information be used to discredit me in some way or another? Will they attempt to separate me from friends and family with the use of this information or make me appear weak or incompetent?

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  George Reimuth

  Member

  04/06/2023 at 09:13

  sometimes it is hard for me to fight my inner man when I am over whelmed with pain , anxiety

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