• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Loris Mccorvey replied 2 days, 6 hours ago 197 Members · 204 Replies

• 

  Virginia A.Miller

  Member

  11/07/2024 at 19:34

  I mainly don’t turn my chair towards others as I find it hard to trust others. I tend to be fairly open and enjoy venturing deep but I remain guarded at the same time. My experience has been most people don’t have time to really meet each other as there are too many other things in life that have to be accomplished. I really believe our world/ culture/ even church culture has possessed time more for their busy lives much more than receiving time as God intended as a gift from the Lord to love Him and others…( not isolating time for just our own lives )

• 

  Andrew Potts

  Member

  11/06/2024 at 17:34

  I think it is mostly a comfort level with vulnerability. I am connected with many people socially and through my job, but there are only certain people I feel like really opening up my heart to. It can be exhausting to share struggles with so many people, and as people, we try to control the situation by keeping the input limited (even when wisdom from others is healthy and best). I think for me the depth of the relationship really determines how ready I am to turn a chair towards them. It can be nice and refreshing to share, have someone listen, and to receive input or care. But it can also feel tiring and uncomfortable to do so. It often feels much easier to close the circle and to just be surface-level with others outside of the circle. As a human, I care about what people think about me, and this (along with trust) often drives what I share with what people. I recently was struggling with a relationship and when people would ask about it, I would mostly say “it is going ok” to those I did not want to let in too deeply, but to my deeper and trusted friends, I would go into much detail and share the struggles and how I felt.

• 

  Rowena Kilgour

  Member

  10/11/2024 at 22:35

  While all of the above is valid, for me It begins with my childhood. Opening up was discouraged. I was taught that everything about myself is personal, and therefore, no one else’s business. That also meant their life isn’t my business either. I deal with my mess, they deal with theirs. You made your bed, you sleep in it. Your life is your responsibility. Don’t expect others to cry with you when you spill the milk. Just like I won’t when I do. I have always listened to other’s talk about their life, but my ‘inner self’ has always been crying out ‘take responsibility for your mess and get over it’. And to be honest… I feel horrible that I still can’t shake the disgusting attitude

• 

  Edward Robinson

  Member

  09/25/2024 at 12:16

  MY experience is that anyone of these feeling has shown up in my interactions with other people.

  It depends on the situation and the people i meet and my own spiritual condition at time all have a part is my interaction with people known and unknow. Sometime without warning i can see somebody i know but will not want to have an interaction with them. Standing in elevator with people you do not know becomes uncomfortable. Person with mental illness that you see past along the streets . I first response is not to turn to them. People hurting entering their space . is not the first response to turn to them . I do not know what to say or how to approach the person. and especially if you do not know them. the inadequacy and awkwardness are not feeling of turn to me.

• 

  Austin Kulp

  Member

  09/19/2024 at 21:24

  I wold say the formost reason is that we as people tend to either care too much about what people think (will they judge me, am I putting too much on them, is this socially appropriate) or too little (it’s not my business, I’m too busy, I don’t really know this person that well). We structure our relationships to follow certain rules, and we do a poor job balancing the line of how much to share.

Log In to Reply