• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 5 days, 17 hours ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

• 

  Shari Bentzel

  Member

  02/28/2023 at 15:11

  I believe ppl keep their chairs facing forward out of fear, fear of being known and loved. We all want safety and security; perhaps the person we’re sharing with responds judgmentally, condeming me as a person or what I’m confessing. This will keep people in their shell, alone and feeling unloved. I also believe that people don’t understand how much they are loved by Jesus, so their identity is in how others see them. I’ve struggled with this a lot in my own life, falsely believing the lie that what others say is more important what than what my ( albeit sinful) husband, who loves me, says or what God in says about me …that I’m fully accepted and He has taken all my sins- past, present, and future on the cross so I’m fully and completely forgiven; therefore, there’s nothing I can say that will surprise Him and I can share my heart and soul with others to receive wisdom, care, help and prayer!

• 

  Anna Ludy

  Member

  02/27/2023 at 22:05

  The reasons I don’t often “turn my chair toward another person” can be that I don’t know if they can really help me in any meaningful way, that the things that truly trouble me might change others’ opinions of me (in a negative way), that I already have people that do know, explore, discover, and touch me (and am truly blessed with those people) and don’t feel like I have the capacity to develop more of these deep connections, that I just don’t want to spend any more time thinking or talking about the stuff in my head and heart.
  A specific example actually happened this morning–I told my husband that I was afraid of something (I don’t even remember what it was now) and his reply was, “I don’t even see you like that.” and it made me feel like I do such a good job of pretending to have it all together that the split between my outside self and my inside self that even he can’t see it. It made me feel even more ashamed of that “inside” stuff.

• 

  Tim Cummings

  Member

  02/27/2023 at 19:29

  I try not to let too many people get close until I know I can trust them with my varied past life.
  I have many family situations that would scare people off including things I personally dealt with and have overcome that would scare people so I do not have many close friends which is why I would love to be able to learn how to do soul care.
  This is exactly what we need at this time in the world people are looking for real connections with real people they can trust and allow themselves to show their real selves to like myself I am sure I am not the only one that feels this way

• 

  Courtney Brummel

  Member

  02/27/2023 at 15:54

  It is most difficult for me to turn in my chair when I have filled my schedule with meetings and events, and feel like I have a short amount of time so I don’t want to dig deep in conversation. Or if I feel insecure about what language to use or how to handle when they do share very deep and personal information. Do I just sit and listen? When do I ask questions or what do I say?

• 

  Tiann Jackson

  Member

  02/26/2023 at 14:40

  I think people feel being judged by another. Sometimes in church we wear a “mask” pretending that all is well in our lives. Then there is a false sense of everyone is perfect because they are Christians. I know I want to do better and not be so caught up in my own life and to reach out to people. I want to take time to call people when I have not seen them in awhile. I also would love to see my church have more fellowship meetings that will provide us to talk to one another like we did before Covid.

Log In to Reply