• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 6 days, 21 hours ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

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  Lorenzo Savage

  Member

  11/02/2022 at 13:10

  I believe there are several reasons for not being comfortable with opening up / turning our chair. The feeling and possibility of being rejected or misunderstood. The not knowing if the person we’re talking with is genuine and have our best interest at heart. There is also the chance of feeling as if we are being judge because of cultural differences, social differences, etc.; because we think and look at things differently than the way other people do or have issues some consider to be outside the norm.
  When someone shares their struggles with us looking for feedback; it can make us feel a little anxious. Not always knowing what to say back to them. We want to give them godly feedback based on the Word of God. But, not knowing all there is about the situation, we’re hesitant to advise or pry deeper than they are willing to share at that time.

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  Mark Mastropietro

  Member

  10/16/2022 at 22:09

  I think fear is the primary reason why we tend to keep relationships shallow and not let anyone really know us. Fear of rejection, fear of being exposed, fear of being judged, fear of being treated critically, fear of being misunderstood. The list can continue to go on, fear of _______ you fill in the blank.

  I believe this fear comes from doubt, doubt that once we really let someone know who we are, we let them inside, we allow someone to peek into our innermost being that when we open our heart we won’t find real unconditional love there.

  Jesus said in Matthew 24, that in the last days the love of many would grow cold and Paul in 2 Timothy chapter 3 said in the last days men will be lovers of self.

  The lack of genuine love and most people can discern if someone is genuine or not, this lack of love at least for me leads me to believe that they really don’t care therefore I can’t trust that person and open up and let them in.

  I’m hoping that through these lessons I may grow to love others, that they may be able to trust me, feel safe with me and let me in to even the most darkest parts of their life.

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  Amy Miletti

  Member

  10/14/2022 at 17:49

  One possible reason for keeping relationships shallow is the discomfort of “getting real”. Another reason is that we are unsure how to really help someone who is experiencing a difficult situation or emotional distress. What if we say the wrong thing and make their problem worse? A final reason could be fear of rejection. If that person knew who I really was, they would not respect me or care to be my friend anymore. Probably what keeps me from going deeper in a relationship is the discomfort of vulnerability. I do not like sharing the deepest things in my soul for fear of being exposed. And perhaps due to my own fear of vulnerability, I may keep another person at bay to protect them from that exposure. It’s not that I don’t care, I just want them to be able to “save face” with me, so I don’t ask the questions to draw them out and cause them embarrassment later for having shared with me.

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  Andrew Temby

  Member

  09/22/2022 at 05:13

  Dear Dr. Crabb,
  Thank you for this Program. I have refrained from establishing real friendships nearly all my life, mostly because I have felt faulty…much like Dr. Crabb’s analogy of the worm found in the shiny apple after the deeper bites toward the center that others would find. So, in defense, I have become a bit of a loner by nature. I also bought into the lie that I don’t really care, and my heart has been broken since then. Meanwhile, Christ has brought life into my heart and soul. I am redeemed. I have a heart I can trust now. I know now I am basing my intellect, heart, energy and soul on the Truth. The more I learn and grow, the more confident I become that Christ is The Way and The Truth and I needn’t be afraid of being a counterfeit at the core.
  Peace be with you,
  Andrew Temby

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  Sheryl Thompson

  Member

  09/21/2022 at 20:02

  Not turning my chair towards others is difficult for me. It makes me vulnerable. In some circles I don’t feel safe. But it is interesting as was illustrated sometimes we share with complete strangers our fears or issues but not with those close to us? Why? This lesson makes it make sense- because others sought to discover me, to touch me to know me to explore me.

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