• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Kelly Morrison replied 1 week ago 208 Members · 215 Replies

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  Jessica Walter

  Member

  06/10/2022 at 04:21

  I think part of it for me is that I have kept so many interactions superficial that I have great difficulty in knowing hoe to develop deep relationahips unless the other person really initiates it. I also spent much of my life constructing barriers to keep people out.

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  James Kakoschke

  Member

  05/26/2022 at 17:06

  I think the biggest reason for people, not wanting to “turn their charis toward one another”, is the fear of being judged, or feeling like they are inferior as a person. Whether that be because they view themselves, as an individual, in a negative light, (like they are not the person they are supposed to be), or because they feel they will be putting themselves in an awkward position, where they are unable to meet the expectations of the one that they are sharing with. I also believe it is the tendency today, especially in western culture, to simply act like you are ok, and that everything is going relatively smoothly, so as not to burden others with your issues. We think “Oh, I would share, but I don’t want others to be burdened by my issues in addition to their own”. The same holds true in the opposite direction, i.e.: “I don’t want to hear about all their issues, I wouldn’t know what to say to help, and I would just feel more overwhelmed as I can’t even seem to keep control of my own”. The lie is that every individual is better off keeping thier struggles to themselves, when in reality, God has created us to be in community with one another, sharing our burdens and helping our fellow man. (Gal. 6:2)

  I myself share quite frequently with those around me, though sometimes I feel bad for sharing, as the issues I face tend to be rather convoluded and difficult for me, and others usually feel the same. However, I still see the value in sharing my difficulties with others, as sometimes they do have good insights on what I am dealing with, as well as encouragement, support and prayer.

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  Kari Glemaker

  Member

  05/18/2022 at 11:10

  I think the main reason is:
  1. Fear of being known by others
  2. Time–we are just too busy for others
  3. Don’t know what to say if someone shares a deep hurt or need
  4. People don’t think it’s their “business” to get involved.

  I think the main reason is that people fear being known by others. Our adopted daughter would rather walk away than share her past–no one had ever really taken the time to listen; therefore, she didn’t think she was worth it.

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  James Mathias

  Member

  05/16/2022 at 22:11

  I feel that there certainly exists the feeling that we/they have feelings of being awkward and reluctant to share. I have found in a Home Team setting, once the ice was broken by one individual, the rest were able to open up to the group. That first person would have to share something near and dear to their heart and something they were genuinely struggling with in order to show the rest of the group that it was okay to open up.

  I am in a new volunteer position with a local men’s recovery mission. I feel inadequate to be able to deal with the different struggles that the individuals are going through as I have never experienced the trauma = associated with their life experiences. I can relate to Dr. Crabb’s comments that sometimes, I don’t relate to an individual and what nothing more than to get out of the room and onto someone that I “like” more or a least can relate to more easily.

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  Vivian Evans

  Member

  05/13/2022 at 12:20

  Its difficult to turn a chair around, most of the time is because I don’t know how to form a deeper relationship without exposing myself or letting my feeling over rule that which needs to be said or done to lead the person in the way of wanting God.
  I was ask to speak with a woman about her husband and daughter, I listen closely, her situation was very familiar , because I too experience that situation ,,,I gave her advice from my emotions .I’m so shame and wrong. I exposed myself my own hurt and pain.

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