• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Kelly Morrison replied 1 week ago 208 Members · 215 Replies

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  T Tanner

  Member

  05/10/2022 at 20:02

  A possible reason for the tendency to keep relationships shallow and not turn chairs toward on another is the fear factor: fear of the information and feelings shared being used against you at a later time. A previous experience of having shared, opened up to another individual and having that in-depth exchange come back to you at a later time breaks down the will to trust, to relax, let the real you be vulnerable, exposed. Perceptions of self-protection keep us walled in shallow relationships not realizing that sharing the story of feeling betrayed or fooled allows the friend, counselor, pastor to know the hesitancy to share is due to past hurt and not current issue(s). Establishing yourself as a good objective listener can be the key to unlocking your seat and turning your chair to face another. Hearing someone share their truth with sincerity may enable the feelings of vulnerability to transform into compassionate discernment and empathic listening. My personal preference for such experiences is to listen first to understand who is speaking, what’s being said, and what response is required or do I have a response.

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  Craig Elliott

  Member

  05/09/2022 at 06:49

  Time- I’m often at work in a public safety capacity and due to the transient nature of the environment timing is a major factor.
  Inadequately prepared- Crisis Intervention Training is a part of my toolkit but often it just isn’t enough to really understand what is driving the person at that moment and often I’m given a limited range of avenues to care for the person legally.
  Shame- at times it’s my own shame of my past that glares me in the face and I would rather not engage
  Pride- says I can handle it on my own.
  To be transparent means that I won’t portray that I have it all together but I’m really very human and I would like my inner person to meet yours and connect with you.

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  Kashier Elliott

  Member

  05/09/2022 at 06:48

  I am reluctant to turn my chairs towards others because of personal insecurities, feeling of being inadequate, and commitment. When you genuinely turn your chair toward others, you feel compelled to share deep secrets. Secrets that may still have you bound. You are not comfortable sharing because you do not realized you are blessed even in your mess. You understand what the person is feeling, because you have walked in their shoes. The biggest reason you do not turn your chairs because you are not FREE. You are not committed to break strongholds. You are not ready to surrender to God.

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  Sherryl Sears

  Member

  05/02/2022 at 02:44

  I believe it’s difficult to turn our chairs because of all the reasons listed. Feeling inadequate and the fear of rejection are two of the main reasons for me. Somehow, we feel we’re not enough and we don’t feel that safeness; the acceptance that we’re okay even with all of our flaws to move forward and form deeper relationships. So, not only do we feel inadequate, but we also fear being rejected. My personal experience of being reluctant to let others really know me on a deeper level is because I feel the same way sometimes. Feeling inadequate and not wanting to be rejected are high on the list for me. However, I’ve also formed some really transparent relationships only because I felt safe enough to expose my true self to someone on a deeper level. I felt accepted with no judgment, and I felt safe.

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  Amanda Anker

  Member

  04/28/2022 at 13:42

  In my own experience both as the person reaching out and the person some one reaches out to….Feeling inadequate, Stuck in my own insecurities. Caused me to put up wall in all types of relationships, untimitely negating growth in both myself and others. Fear of being judged, fear of failure and rejection. I have so many trust issues from past let downs that sometimes it feels safer to keep it all to myself rather than risk getting hurt. But no only are we are other hurting otherself and negating our own growth, But something we have been through…someone else is struggling with and needs our testimony of what God did for us to grow their faith. JAMES 5:6 says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power to prevail”. We were not meant to due it alone.

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