• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Kelly Morrison replied 1 week ago 208 Members · 215 Replies

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  Shane Fornelli

  Member

  04/12/2022 at 13:13

  My first thought is simply lack of time and intentionality. However, as I explore it further I sense there’s a deep-seated fear of not being good enough. What if I say the wrong thing? Don’t know what to say? Get distracted with my own thoughts while they are sharing? What if I just can’t cut it? I frequently just avoid it or dread it as it comes up in my work as a pastor when the person is very emotional, awkward, or very quiet. I tend to get drained during these circumstances so I avoid further interactions.

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  Elena Verigo

  Member

  04/08/2022 at 08:57

  There’s the temptation to offer a quick fix as it makes uone feel good about themselves (“I’ve done a good deed. I’ve listened and offered a bit of empathy, a concerned look and a clever advice.”) So, I find myself, turning my chair toward the other person but the chair is still up in the air and I’m not wanting to put it down and stay. I’ve experienced the same, fast-food soul care which isn’t the same as deep listening.

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  Grace Bruce

  Member

  04/01/2022 at 10:56

  I think because it is not culturally acceptable. Most people show their uneasiness by changing the topic of the conversation to a topic that they are more comfortable with . Because they lack the knowledge or the maturity that will allow them to help another person. I also think that most people are not prepared to make the commitment to support another person. However if we realize that the Holy Spirit is our guide in going forward to support the friend then the pressure we may feel would dissipate, we will know that the wisdom we need will come. I think Passion is important, but for both parties to have a relation with God would be crucial to going below the iceberg without feeling burdened and with the knowledge that God is in charge of the best solution for the problem.

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  Mary Trevino

  Member

  03/28/2022 at 13:32

  The biggest reason for me, and I think for others as well, is that “turning our chairs toward one another” requires vulnerability. And if I risk being vulnerable then I risk being rejected, judged, shamed, and a host of other negative emotions. But if I refuse to take the risk then I also miss out on the possibility of acceptance, transparency, and love.

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  Omar Macias

  Member

  03/27/2022 at 20:11

  I think people have many of the provided reasons, since some of them are prejudiced, shy or maybe not interested in other people lives. On my case, I’m afraid of being misunderstood, on being mistreated or experiencing negative results from showing my feellings and my struggles to inmature, prejudiced or unsensitive people.

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