• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Kelly Morrison replied 1 week ago 208 Members · 215 Replies

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  Lori Bridgwood

  Member

  03/26/2022 at 11:25

  I think we can often be reluctant to share our personal trials because we have been deeply hurt by those we trusted and valued. It takes earned wisdom to discern those who are genuine in their care for us, but it is certainly worth it.

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  Jessica Romer

  Member

  03/22/2022 at 06:57

  I believe we all desire to be known deeply and yet our inner thoughts tell us one of three things 1) I have done this before and got burned by other people or Christians 2) I fear being rejected, that I will not measure up 3) We don’t see that we have anything to offer, we have our own messes and that may or may not be going very well. I find in my sin of people’s acceptance and what they think of me can be much bigger than my identity in Christ as an image-bearer of my Lord and creator. I did enter in to a terrible marital situation and when my questions that she had asked me to help her (she asked me to ask her these questions to help hold her accountable) went contrary to the direction she was moving, she cut me off and then blamed me. I know it was her own sin, but it hurt deeply none-the-less.

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  Andrew Ewen

  Member

  03/03/2022 at 16:03

  It is difficult for us to turn our chairs because most people fight their personal battles alone because it is generally understood and accepted when most people ask how you are doing; they are typically not interested in the answer; thus, many people don’t want to burden others with an honest answer involving their problems, so they put on a smile and move on. The usual mantra is, “I have a problem, but nobody will listen because we all have problems, so I don’t complain.”

  I have been told on numerous occasions that I am a good listener; thus, I am open to turning my chair to listen to others most of the time. If I know someone is genuinely interested in listening and trying to help, I usually do not have a problem turning my chair to have others listen to me.

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  Stephanie Havenski

  Member

  02/21/2022 at 09:20

  I believe it is difficult for us to “turn our chairs” due to past hurt. In todays world, we are so often judged and criticized over every aspect of our lives. If we “turn our chairs” we would be very vulnerable and put ourselves on display. Once you have been hurt, it is very hard to trust again. Because of past hurt, knowing and remembering what that was like, I feel we protect ourselves at all cost. If you do not let anyone in, the there is nobody to hurt you. Getting to know somebody takes time, some do not want to invest that time. From past experience, once you let your walls down, and let someone in to know you and your past, and have that person later turn on you is almost unbearable. You then realize that not everybody is your friend, and then you begin to withdrawal, and shut down.

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  Karen Jones

  Member

  02/16/2022 at 23:02

  Reasons why I think people are reluctant to let anyone really know them include the following: fear of being judged, fear of not being able to trust the person they are talking to to keep things confidential, and a preference to not say anything knowing the amount of energy and work that might be required if they bring it out into the light.
  In my own experience, I have not shared due to not feeling safe. Feeling I would probably be judged and then would lose would lose the respect and friendship of the person I was sharing with.

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