• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Loris Mccorvey replied 3 days, 3 hours ago 197 Members · 204 Replies

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  Lal Tluang

  Member

  12/14/2021 at 21:04

  I believe that most of the time I am scared to reveal true self because I was afraid that I will get ignored. Basically fair of rejection from others, often we just don’t to get involved in it.

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  Lisa Frey

  Member

  12/13/2021 at 21:39

  I think I allowed myself to be vulnerable with those who were not worthy of my trust, in a desperate attempt to be known. This caused much hurt and heartache. I was so hungry for love since I grew up in a very empty home, and was easy prey to be taken advantage of. I am learning better boundaries, and how to share in healthy and safe settings. It is such a blessing to allow a trusted person to know me!

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  Martha Mazza

  Member

  11/13/2021 at 15:12

  We are reluctant because we do not think we are worthy. Afraid we will get in over our heads in how to walk beside them. we will not know what to say. what will they think of me.

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  Jennifer Grandouiller

  Member

  11/09/2021 at 17:33

  I attended the School of Spiritual Direction with Dr. Larry Crabb a couple years ago, and so I’ve really learned how to more easily “turn my chair” toward others in a way that I was NOT able to do before that. However, I still am learning and seeing where I get caught up with reasons not to do it.

  One of those reasons is that I feel that I don’t have time. It’s not even that I don’t WANT to have the time, but I have 3 young children, and I only have a certain amount of time, mental energy, and ability to give my attention during the day. I see many hurting people, and want to give them my attention, but often I just don’t know how to fit it all into my schedule. I’ve learned though, that when I’m alone, or when I’m able to even just give what I have to give in that moment, I stop and listen whenever I can. In fact, yesterday, I found myself without kids; and a lady approached me outside a restaurant to ask a question. Turned out, while talking to her, that she had lost her job that day! I was able to listen, give her my attention, and we did pray together (which I know is not what we want to jump to, but I felt led to do so, and I know that she appreciated it very much in this situation).

  I also find myself not necessarily wanting to give advice, but I do feel like sometimes people are not making the “right” choices. Or, they are just agonizing over details when I want to just say “lay it at the feet of Jesus and let go!” But it took me MANY years to get to the point where I am able to have an attitude of surrender to the Lord, and that I don’t make an idol of as many things in my life that I want to go a very specific way. I need to remember that everyone is on a different place in their journey, and honestly I wouldn’t have found this beautiful place of surrender without a friend who came alongside me and did soul care for many years. So, I need to remember to support people wherever they are, without judgment, and to just have that compelling vision for what God can do through their circumstances.

  Ultimately, I want to be that “safe person” for others, and I don’t want to step into any of these situations with judgment or thoughts of having the “right answer”. It is true, that as we listen to others, what happens inside of us tells us a lot about what God is doing in our own lives, and where we have room to grow deeper in relationship with Him.

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  Wayne Eleneke

  Member

  11/08/2021 at 18:09

  More often than not I feel awkward in a face to face setting unless I am the one asking the questions. Depending on the depth of sharing I will most often share surface stuff due to trust issues. I shut down especially where I am embarrassed.

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