• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 2 days ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

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  Elvi Kingumets

  Member

  01/20/2025 at 12:13

  Most people fear to let others into their soul level (emotions, feelings, thoughts..). The main reason is; they have lost their trust on people because of past hurtful experiences. They think, by doing so, they can protect themselves from getting hurt again. But by doing so, they actually close the door for healing. God, through His Spirit, is doing the deep healing inside of us, but God also uses people aa part of our healing journey.

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  Nicole Novak

  Member

  12/03/2024 at 16:59

  The reasons that stand out to me the most revolve around trust. The deepest betrayals come from those that we have most trusted, whether they meant to hurt us or not. If we share nothing, then there’s nothing that can be turned back against us as a weapon. So we hide behind our carefully crafted masks that are designed to hide our insecurity, fear of others, and doubts of our own abilities. It would crush most of us to be seen as weak, not up to the task, or otherwise “less than,” which is of course another reason we fail to have the courage to turn our chairs toward one another. We simply avoid these moments, and go about our busy lives, because in the busyness is safety. We’re so busy in fact that we don’t leave ourselves the time to care for others, or when we want to care, we simply don’t have the time.

  Sometimes, as in my case, we are aware of this in others. We all have those people in our lives that always seem to be too busy to care, not just family and friends, but unfortunately, pastors and others that we would expect to do so. Not always, but sometimes. When that happens, I tend to retreat, and turn my chair instead toward things that don’t require the effort of interpersonal relationships.

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  Virginia A.Miller

  Member

  11/07/2024 at 19:34

  I mainly don’t turn my chair towards others as I find it hard to trust others. I tend to be fairly open and enjoy venturing deep but I remain guarded at the same time. My experience has been most people don’t have time to really meet each other as there are too many other things in life that have to be accomplished. I really believe our world/ culture/ even church culture has possessed time more for their busy lives much more than receiving time as God intended as a gift from the Lord to love Him and others…( not isolating time for just our own lives )

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  Andrew Potts

  Member

  11/06/2024 at 17:34

  I think it is mostly a comfort level with vulnerability. I am connected with many people socially and through my job, but there are only certain people I feel like really opening up my heart to. It can be exhausting to share struggles with so many people, and as people, we try to control the situation by keeping the input limited (even when wisdom from others is healthy and best). I think for me the depth of the relationship really determines how ready I am to turn a chair towards them. It can be nice and refreshing to share, have someone listen, and to receive input or care. But it can also feel tiring and uncomfortable to do so. It often feels much easier to close the circle and to just be surface-level with others outside of the circle. As a human, I care about what people think about me, and this (along with trust) often drives what I share with what people. I recently was struggling with a relationship and when people would ask about it, I would mostly say “it is going ok” to those I did not want to let in too deeply, but to my deeper and trusted friends, I would go into much detail and share the struggles and how I felt.

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  Rowena Kilgour

  Member

  10/11/2024 at 22:35

  While all of the above is valid, for me It begins with my childhood. Opening up was discouraged. I was taught that everything about myself is personal, and therefore, no one else’s business. That also meant their life isn’t my business either. I deal with my mess, they deal with theirs. You made your bed, you sleep in it. Your life is your responsibility. Don’t expect others to cry with you when you spill the milk. Just like I won’t when I do. I have always listened to other’s talk about their life, but my ‘inner self’ has always been crying out ‘take responsibility for your mess and get over it’. And to be honest… I feel horrible that I still can’t shake the disgusting attitude

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