• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 1 week ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

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  Jennifer Rebsamen

  Member

  10/11/2021 at 20:29

  I would say that I often feel inadequate to offer help, wisdom, or know what to say because of my own insecurities. I am afraid of what that person would think of me if I responded honestly to the situation.

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  Dexter Chapman

  Member

  10/06/2021 at 12:49

  I believe that we are ashame to let people know the real us. This starts in childhood, where we mask our hurts with different faces. As we grow into adulthood we have learned to only let people see what we want them to see. So we have many different faces, without anyone ever really knowing our true face.

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  Donna Schwartz

  Member

  10/05/2021 at 23:03

  I believe people do not turn their chairs towards others because it can feel very dangerous to let someone into their lives. It feel more comfortable to to hide a person’s inner struggle than for others to be aware of it. Also, people may feel that sharing inner thoughts or struggles won’t really be helpful or aid in building relationships. I believe that shame may also play a role in this.

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  Sarah Caudle

  Member

  09/20/2021 at 09:43

  I think root of not “turning our chairs” is fear. It’s fear of many different things but ultimately loving others is vulnerable and scary. Allowing people to see us and know us is risky business and it is easier to just not do it. I think we tend to make the excuses you mentioned up above but I think the root of the majority of it is fear despite whether we are aware of it or not. In my own personal experience, I think a big example is getting married. I didn’t want to get married because I was fearful of connection, the ultimate turning of a chair. I recently did get married and turning the chair is hard and scary but also beautiful. It takes courage to turn our chairs towards one another.

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    Arlene Coley

    Member

    10/16/2021 at 14:11

    How did you post your photo?

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  Patricia Oconnor

  Member

  09/20/2021 at 01:28

  After reflecting on the question I believe sometimes it could be shame, sometimes it may be fear and sometimes it may be as simple as being able to trust.
  For me, it took being at the end of my rope to able to share with a stranger (counselor) my deepest feelings and regrets. I allowed myself to sink low in self respect with a deep continued feeling of uselessness. All of these feeling came from years of mental and physical abuse. I reached out once to a family member I trusted earlier for help but was told to keep quiet. I felt totally alone. I trusted no one.
  Thankfully, after over a year of counseling, from someone I learned to trust, I was able to open my heart and change my life. Now, I speak up to anyone who begins to share with me. I tell them my story when appropriate and listen, really listen to what they are saying. I have learned to be quiet and ask simple questions when needed to help them understand their feelings. I have had several connections with women who needed someone to talk with. I want to learn more in order to help more.

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