• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 2 days, 10 hours ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

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  Lisa Jackson

  Member

  07/19/2024 at 11:42

  Often I don’t “turn my chair” because I am afraid of what others will think, let alone what I think of my own ability to provide care/wisdom. I also veer away because I am concerned that I won’t make the time to really get to the person and build that friendship since I do not put much energy into any relationships I have, other than my spouse and children and even then more energy should be put in there.

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  Richard Bloomer

  Member

  07/09/2024 at 12:41

  Fear of being judged

  Fear of being too much for others

  Fear of Rejection

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  Gary Beaudreau

  Member

  07/04/2024 at 15:56

  Many people are too busy to have time to go beyond the shallow relationship. Busyness is perhaps our greatest enemy to deep personal relationships. Others are protecting themselves From being known for fear, they may not be accepted.

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  Freedom Davis

  Member

  07/02/2024 at 09:02

  Negative past experiences and bad self-image/ feelings of inadequacy can make sharing deeper parts of your person feel difficult. If times in the past you’ve had negative responses to even surface level personal thoughts, feelings, and/or interests it can cause hesitancy to sharing deeper personal matters with people.

  Also, if you’ve been hurt and rejected by people close to you, whom you’ve had a more intimate relationship with it can cause feelings of insecurities, in a sense that you feel more secure letting your personal life remain hidden from people who you’re afraid might later hurt or reject you.

  Finally, bad self-image or misconceptions about yourself can make it difficult to share with others. There may be things about yourself You feel uncomfortable with or areas of your life you feel inadequate in, when, in reality, other people don’t feel you are inadequate in or aren’t bothered by. For instance, a man may perceive his interest in poetry as a feminine quality that makes him feel less masculine and he doesn’t want a person to think of him as less ‘manly’ whereas in reality the person he’s afraid to share this personal interest for poetry would think nothing of the sort, and in fact it may cause them to share their similar interest, or recognize a deeper than surface level involvement in the conversation that leads to a deeper more meaningful connection between the two.

  To an extent, being guarded can be healthy. You wouldn’t want to bare your soul to the world. However, there becomes a point where your guards aren’t protecting you, rather they become prison guards and are holding you captive within yourself.

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  Lisa

  Member

  06/12/2024 at 17:31

  People are reluctant to let anyone really know them because they

  1. Don’t want anyone to know what they’ve experienced or witnessed. 2. Don’t want to share their innermost thoughts. 3. Don’t want to be judged.

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