• Discussion Forum

  Dr. Crabb talks about our tendency to keep relationships shallow using the image of “not turning our chairs toward one another.” Why is it so difficult for us to “turn our chairs”? In other words, why are we reluctant to let anyone really know us? As you think about your answer, consider these possible reasons: Don’t have time. Don’t want to get involved. Don’t care. Feel inadequate and awkward. Don’t know how to form deeper relationships. Not culturally acceptable. Explain several possible reasons (using your own or from the list above) and then give an example from your experience that demonstrates which reason most often keeps you from turning your chair towards others.

  Tricia Hershberger replied 2 days, 14 hours ago 209 Members · 216 Replies

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  Kathryn Jean-Rejouis

  Member

  06/06/2024 at 11:09

  I feel like most people don’t want to bother with other people’s issues. We are a selfish people who want to be known but don’t want to spend the time knowing others deeply. This may be because there is many issues going on in their own lives that they don’t want to burden of someone else’s issues. Another issue may be that they don’t know what to do when they go deep because they won’t know what to do. I have heard people say, “well thanks for sharing. This maybe a lack of training and discernment. But when it comes to bearing our own souls I feel like people may feel misunderstood or judged. When one person is feeling hesitant to share and the other person has no idea what to say it is a cause or hurt, pain and misunderstanding. Good intentions don’t mean anything if both sides are not open to knowing, exploring, discovering and touching each others soul.

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  Rachel Cherry-Adams

  Member

  05/29/2024 at 17:49

  I believe it is difficult to “turn our chairs–We keep our relationships shallow because we do not want to be known; we want to be judged from our standpoint.

  Sometimes, we are reluctant to let anyone know us because—-what will happen if they know me for who I am or if I tell them something about my past?–Maybe it will shame us for not being this “perfect person” we pretend to be for the sake of it all.

  Sometimes, I believe in the concept of not being culturally acceptable. We want to belong; what happens if they find out “I am different?” What am I going to do now?

  I know from my past – I always wanted to belong; and now I don’t want be by myself. Sometimes, it seems as though everyone talks and thinks like each other– and here I come along trying to be the authentic me –most people don’t want that from us (who are authentically themselves – It’s hard sometimes to be who we are for real.

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  Karen Henderson

  Member

  05/21/2024 at 12:02

  Sometimes with all that is going on in the world around us personally and with others who we know and do not know, I believe we just get so worn emotionally that as a self protectant often we keep relationships more shallow. In our Inadequate feelings of our abilities to help, we forget it is the Holy Spirit who will give us the prompting whether words to speak, or the guidance to sit in silence just to be present with another in their pain and moment.

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  Catrina Estep

  Member

  05/21/2024 at 10:13

  It can be quite scary not knowing what deeper issues will be conveyed. We do not want to encounter circumstances that will leave us feeling guilty or ashamed nor do we want to expose it in our lives, especially if we have spent a great amount of time suppressing thoughts, feelings, and memories.

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  Donald Hill

  Member

  04/30/2024 at 18:51

  I feel inadequate to know what and why and how to talk someone about ourselves.

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