Lecture

Welcome back. We’re now at the heart of this first half of the course, and this is the moment that I’ve been praying for all morning. This is the moment that you take what you have learned about forgiveness and actually open your heart, extend compassion, release the person, forgive them, and do good to them.

I remember when I first learned this a long time ago. I didn’t know any of these truths. I had never been taught them. I just knew I was supposed to forgive, but didn’t. And when God began to teach me this, I took out a pad of paper one day, and I wrote down u002du002d I said on the top, ‘Dear God, I want to know who you want me to forgive’. And I was thinking there would be 3 or 4. Two pages long u002du002d going way back to 6th grade. It was hard to forgive at the beginning. And then, after I started forgiving 2 or 3 people, a flood of forgiveness came into my heart as a gift from God, and then forgiveness was very easy. I cannot tell you the difference in my life before that day and after that day. So no matter what you’re feeling today, don’t run away u002du002d don’t run away. You can run away; you can say ‘not now’, and I respect you for that, but I encourage you not to. Stay with this.

The story I want to read to you is by a woman who was in the terrible camps in Germany. Very famous lady. Do you know who that is? Does anybody know who this is? Corrie ten Boom. Have you ever heard of this? An amazing story. This is after the Holocaust had happened u002du002d years later u002du002d and I just want to read it to you.

It was in a church in Munich that I saw him; a balding, heavyset man in a gray overcoat, a brown felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the basement room where I had just spoken, said Corrie ten Boom, moving along rows of wooden chairs to the door at the rear. It was in 1947. And I had come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives. Germany needed God’s forgiveness. It was the truth that they needed most to hear in that bitter, bombed-out land. And I gave them my favorite mental picture.

Maybe because the sea is never far from a Hollander’s mind, I like to think that that’s where forgiven sins were thrown; into the sea. When we confess our sins, I said, God cast them into the deepest ocean; gone forever. And even though I cannot find a Scripture for it, I believe God then places a sign out there that says, ‘no fishing allowed’. The solemn faces starred back at me not quite daring to believe. There were never any questions after a talk about forgiveness in Germany in 1947. People stood up in silence, in silence collected their wraps and their coats, and in silence they left the room. And that’s when I saw him working his way toward me against everybody else. One moment I saw the overcoat and that felt brown hat, and the next moment I saw a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones, and it rushed back at me u002du002d the huge room with its harsh, overhead lights; the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the room; the shame of walking past this man.

I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, because all of us were naked; ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsy, my dear sister, how thin you were. The place back then was called Ravensbrook. The man who was making his way forward had been a guard; one of the most cruel guards in all of the camp. Now he was standing in front of me with his hand thrust out, “A fine message fraulein. How good it is to know that, as you say, all of our sins are at the bottom of the sea”.

And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocket book rather than take that man’s hand. He would not remember me of course. How could he remember one prisoner among the thousands of woman that he so cruelly dealt? But I remembered him. And I remembered that leather frock; that bat that he swung from his belt. I was face to face with one of my captors, and my blood seemed to freeze. “You mentioned Ravensbrook when you spoke”, he said, ”I was a guard there”. No, he didn’t remember me. “But since that time”, he went on, “I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things that I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well, fraulein”. Again, his hand came out, “Will you forgive me?”

As I stood there; I who sins had again and again been forgiven by God, and yet, I could not forgive. Betsy, my precious sister, had died in that place. Could he erase her slow and terrible death simply by asking? It couldn’t have been many seconds that he stood there hand held out, but to me it seemed like hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I ever had to do. For I had to do it. I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition u002du002d that we forgive those who have injured us.

“If you do not forgive men their trespasses”, Jesus says, “neither will your Father in Heaven forgive your trespasses”. I knew it, not only as a command of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war, I had a home for the victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies, those who were able to forgive their enemies, were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives; no matter what the physical scars. Those who nurse their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that. And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart.

But forgiveness is not just an emotion. I knew that. Forgiveness is an act of the will. And the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. “Jesus, help me”, I prayed silently. “I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feelings.” And so, woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my trembling man into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, oh dear, an incredible thing took place. A current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, and sprang into our joined hands, and then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being bringing tears to my eyes. “I forgive you brother”, I cried with all of my heart. For a long time we grasped each other’s hands; the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did at that moment. But even so, I realized it wasn’t my love. I had tried and did not have the power. It was because of the Holy Spirit, as recorded in Romans 5:5, because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, which is given to us, I forgave.

Whatever you do, forgive today; forgive now, forgive everyone.

Let’s take a look then at our notes. Let’s get ready to do this. There’s 3 parts of this. Part 1 is The Preparation to Forgive Other People. There’s 3 steps there we’ll go through quickly. Part 2 is The Process of Forgiving Other People. There are a total of 5 steps there. And The Peace From Forgiving Other People is the last thing we’ll do, too. So, will you look at me for a moment? Will you decide to forgive? Will you forgive now? Good.

Part 1 The Preparation to Forgive Other People

The Preparation to Forgive Others:

Preparation #1 is what you just did – Decide…decide that you are going to forgive the people. This is always your choice.

Preparation 2 to forgive is something that you’re going to have to exercise some self-discipline. Name…name the people you want to forgive.

Look at the two sentences beneath that. Name the people who have hurt and wounded you the most. And if you’re afraid other people knowing who that is, just use their first name or their first initial. Consider your parents u002du002dyour mother and your father, your siblings u002du002d your brothers and your sisters, your uncles, your aunts, your spouse, your children, your friends, your neighbors, your school, church, business, government, tribes; include people from childhood, or even those who died. I want you to list at least three names that come to your mind right now. Who wounded you the most?

You may have to come back to this workbook numerous times. That’s all right. If you don’t mind, I’m going to ask God to do you a favor. I don’t want you to bow your heads or close your eyes. Remember the Bible says, “And Jesus, looking into heaven, prayed”. So, you can pray with your eyes open, or else you can’t pray while you drive your car.

So, Lord, I want to ask You to do a favor. I want to enter a season of grace here. As the people who have decided to forgive are forgiving, I ask that You give them a period of mercy for the rest of the next 2 or 3 more days, as you bring more people to their mind that You will withhold torture when they begin, and that You will pull it aside if their heart says to You that they’ll finish it. Do this because of Your compassion and kindness to us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Preparation #3 u002du002d it’s going to take you a little bit more thoughts. List…list specific trespasses and wounds.

Pick two people, and list everything hurtful that the person did to you. Don’t evaluate; just describe. So you’ll see beneath that 3 columns. The person u002du002d that’s where they write their name or initials. What did they do? And, how did you feel? Include the wounds that were done intentionally or accidentally, physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. In a few words, write down how you felt when that happened. So remember we talked to you before; you just don’t forgive the person; you have to forgive the trespasses. That’s what Jesus says that each of you forgive your brother his trespasses. It’s, what did they do to hurt you? And until you can list them, how can you forgive them? And then I’m asking you, in the third column, how did you feel? u002du002d that’s because you’ve got to get in contact with the fact that it hurt. So their name, one or two things that they did, and how did you feel?

When you have some more time u002du002d because you’re going to need more time than this… When I took my list; I then took a separate piece of paper for every person on my list, and I put their name at the top, and I wrote down u002du002d some of them only had one thing; some of them had quite a few things u002du002d and there were pages of them. Because I was already a mature person when this became apparent to me. So when you go back over this u002du002d this workbook will lead you through the same stages u002du002d you ought to have a list of quite a few people. Then take a separate little piece of paper, and just write their name on the top, and all the things they wounded you with. That’s how that process works.

So I want you to move under Part #2 now: The Process of Forgiving Other People.

Because at this point, I’m just getting you to the flow of what you are to do when you’re on your own or with somebody else that can help you with this.

Step #1: Open your heart to forgive the other people. Open your heart to forgive the other people. Most of you have already done that. But let’s read that sentence together beneath it. “I hereby choose not to protect myself from my heart wounds any longer, but open my heart completely in order to forgive everyone else, set them free, and end all my torment.” Good. You’re heart open? Yes, I can feel it from here. Yeah, but you can.

Step #2: You know what this is. Extend compassion to each person you need to forgive. Extend compassion to each person you need to forgive. Grant compassion to the people you are about to forgive. And describe your empathy and compassion like, “I know my parents were under much stress, and alcohol made them abusive” or “I know they didn’t meant to hurt me” or “They had been abused by someone else and were acting out of their pain” or “They just lost their job” or “Their young, unmarried daughter is pregnant”.

So I want you to list one of the people you need to forgive u002du002dthe hardest person that you need to forgive. Put that name under that first box. And then, on the right hand side, I want you to write at least two ways you’re extending compassion to them. As a person, you’re not condoning what they did; you’re giving them compassion.

How many of you were able to do that? Let me see your hands; just by of tracking how we’re doing. Good. What were the emotions you felt when you extended compassion just now? How did you feel about that? How did you feel about that?

[Audience member] Free.

Free. You’re open now, yes. All of a sudden they’re another person just like us. And who among us doesn’t need somebody else’s compassion? Man, I sure do.

Step #3 is among the most precious part of all this. It’s Release each person from your Heart-Prison.

I want you to be thinking of the person who hurt you the deepest or the most. When you were wounded, especially repeatedly or deeply, and did not choose to forgive, you move down the poisonous Slide of Unforgiveness we just talked about, and finally put the person in prison in your heart for what they did. Maybe you even said, “I’ll never forgive him and her”.

All right, look up here for a minute. Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to experience something. I want to have you picture the person that hurt you the most u002du002d picture them in your mind. Got them? Don’t avoid it. Picture them. And I want you to close your eyes for me; and I want you to picture the person in your heart standing inside a cage of prison bars. Can you see them in there? Good. Now picture yourself on the outside of those bars expressing your compassion to the person who’s on the inside, “I’m sorry I misunderstood you”. Then picture yourself taking the key off of your ring, and putting in the lock in that prison, and opening the door stating, “I release you fully for what you did. You are free.” Then you fling open the door. Picture yourself feeling wonderful freedom and joy as they run out of prison and embrace you. Finally, picture them weeping with regret for what they did and joyful that finally you let them come back.

Okay, look up here for a minute. Could you do that? I do this. I practice this. If I find somebody is in my prison, this is what I do. I close my eyes and I picture them. I put them in prison. I stand outside. I apologize for putting them in prison. I take out my ring. I open the lock. I express compassion to them. I apologize for keeping you in so long. I welcome them out. I embrace them. I say, “You are free. I no longer have walls around my heart about you.”

Therefore, if you have had walls up around your heart about your spouse, your parents, your boss, your government, your pastor, I want you to rip them down. The walls are the prison. Take them down. Do you know what happens when you put up walls? Nobody can get into your heart. And guess what happens to your heart? It shrivels up, and becomes kind of dead, and you’re heart can’t get out of the prison you put somebody else in. If your marriage is difficult right now, I guarantee you may have 3 sets of walls around your heart. Take down your walls; let them out.

Step #4: Forgive each person for each wound.

At the beginning we had you list some of the wounds. Let me read to you the first paragraph beneath that. Remember that the process of forgiveness includes both setting the person free from your Heart Prison and then forgiving them for each wound. Pick the person who wounded you the most u002du002d that you just let out of prison u002du002d and then I’m going to have you do something. I’m going to say these sentences out-loud quietly and slowly; making sure that your heart matches the words. Here’s what I want you to do. In a minute I’m going to have you stand. And if you’re a man, I want you to find another man. Don’t go with somebody from the opposite sex; it’s too private. And if you’re a woman, go with a woman. And then I want the shorter of the two of you to go first. So find somebody taller than you u002du002d I mean shorter than you. And here’s what I want you to do. Look at the paragraph beneath it.

So let’s say the person you’re forgiving is ‘my husband’. And you say, “My husband, I’ve decided to forgive you right now. From my heart, I forgive you.”

Now look at this…look up here. Put your hand on your heart. “From my heart” – when you say that ‘from my heart’ – “and for every wound. I have had unforgiveness toward you, my husband, far too long. I open my heart completely and forgive you for what you did to me. Husband, I genuinely forgive you for hurting me when you didn’t ever romance me; when you treated me unkindly; when you had an affair on me” u002du002d whatever it is that hurt you. It made me feel unloved, unhappy, sad, alienated. I no longer harbor any unforgiveness toward you for that. I fully forgive you.”

As you’re listening to that person say that to you; if you hear them forgiving, then let it go on. But some of us are going to have trouble forgiving that. And if you just listen, you’ll know if they’re forgiving or not. And if they’re not, you say, “No, let’s try that again. Try it a little slower.” Here’s how forgiveness works. It’s starts with your mind; it goes to your will; and then, finally, it goes to your emotions u002du002d that’s where the heart is. So, if somebody has to say that twice, or three times, slow it down and you’ll hear it. When you have heard the person forgive, then switch places, and it’s your turn to do that; and they’ll be listening to you. When you’ve both forgiven at least one major person, I want you both to sit down. Got it? Everybody on your feet. Men go with men; women with women; let’s go.

The warm emotion in this room, huh? Men typically have a more difficult time forgiving than women. I’m seeing men across the room forgiving. Wonderful. Just imagine going through this with all the people you need to forgive, and what you’re going to feel like when you’re done u002du002d when God withdraws all the torment, all those sins that have stored up are forgiven. Oh, man, wonderful.

I remember doing this in a large auditorium; a large church here in South Africa. There was either 5,000 or 6,000 people in a domed church. Terrific church. And I wasn’t even talking much about forgiveness. And God moved into the room, and we got onto forgiveness. And I said, “If you need to forgive your mother and your father of a major wound, and you’ve never done that, and you have bitterness, and anger, and vengeance, and so forth, will you please come forward?” I wasn’t prepared for this. There was over 3,000 people that just immediately came forward. People were crying everywhere.

And I said to God, “I can help one or two people forgive, or a small group, but how do you help 3,000 people forgive?” And I reasoned, “Well, if I can help one, why can’t we all do it together?” And all 3,000 of us u002du002d I got a man with a man, a woman with a woman, faced each other, I said, “Pick out what you need to forgive your parents for, and help the other person forgive”, and I told them how to do it. It was magnificent. The freedom that happened – people giving their hearts back to their parents; sometimes for 30 years they had protected their heart and been apart from their parents; hating their parents u002du002d they let their heart come out. Just imagine if you led your churches through this, and for the next few weeks you focused on getting unforgiveness out of your church; out of the hearts of your own self and your own family, what would take place in your church; you would not recognize yourself or your church.

Please don’t let this be just a beginning point. Make this to be what you’re going to do. So, why don’t you think of it this way, “In the next 3 days, I will forgive everyone for everything”? Because you’re learning how to do it. And, honestly, you will have the same experience I did of the flood of forgiveness coming into my heart. You will have the flood of Corrie ten Boom. When she started to forgive, the love of God just came through her. God will do everything He can to help us forgive. He dreads the day He had to deliver you to be tormented. You’re one of His children.

And #5, Bless and do good to the person. Because now that you are able to forgive them; release them. When you bless the person who wounded you, you are fulfilling your highest calling of responding the way that Jesus did when He was severely, and brutally, and unfairly, and repeatedly wounded.

5.1 Pray to God so that He will bless them from your final prayer. Something like, “Lord I ask you to bless whoever it is u002du002d your husband u002du002d in every way including…”, and ask God to bless them in a specific way you know would mean a lot to them.

And 5.2, ask God to give you an opportunity, if possible, to love and do good to them u002du002d “Please give me an opportunity to love them and show them the depth of my forgiveness.”

Part 3: The Peace from Forgiving Other People

God views my unforgiveness as a sin, oh, and my bitterness as a sin, and my resentment as a sin, and my slander as a sin, and my hatred as a big sin, and my vengeance as a very big sin. Therefore, it’s time for you and me, in the prayer, to confess. Confess your sins to God related to your unforgiveness, so He can forgive you of these sins. Let’s read this prayer out loud, and let it be from your heart. Here we go:

“Dear God, I hereby confess to You my sins of unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, slander, resentment, hatred, and vengeance. Please forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

Peace. Thank God for helping me to forgive. Thank God for helping me to forgive and ending all torment. Thank God for helping me to forgive and ending all torment.

Conclusion

I want to close with this. You saw before the Forgiveness Verifier. This is called, in your workbook, The Forgiveness Validator. The Forgiveness Verifier is this: You’re verifying if they have unforgiveness by saying something like, “Would you say you’ve experienced torture or torment from time to time?” That’s how you verify they have it.

But how do you validate that you’ve forgiven everybody? Look up here for a minute. Who wants you to forgive everybody the most? God. He hates that you are being tortured. Because, when you’re being tortured, and He won’t forgive your sins, your relationship with Him is strained big time; and He misses you. So this is a miraculous secret. When you have forgiven everybody that you know of, and everything, before you finish u002du002d look up here u002du002d say this to God, “Before God, I have forgiven everyone of everything”, and then just be quiet. And, if you have, you will have a flood of peace. But probably you won’t the first time.

And then, all of a sudden you’ll remember a person, “Oh, no, I haven’t somebody else”. And you have to forgive them for two things. And you do; and you come back to that same sentence, “Before God…is it true God; I have forgiven everyone for everything?” And it’s pretty common the second time for you to get one or two more people. Then come on back, and say it one more time, “Dear God, before You, I have forgiven everyone of everything”, and if nothing comes to you, God is saying to you, “You’ve forgiven everyone of everything”. You’ll actually hear from God. He’ll actually tell you.

Therefore, look at what I’ve written beneath that, the Forgiveness Validator, “Before God, I have forgiven everyone for everything”. Use the Forgiveness Validator to check and make sure there aren’t any remaining people to release or trespasses to forgive. You don’t want any torment to continue. The Holy Spirit may bring others you have forgotten. Go through the same process, and then repeat the Forgiveness Validator again until you have complete peace and no other name or wound is brought to your mind. That’s how you know your torment has been cancelled.

Have you forgiven all the people who have wounded you? And, perhaps even more challenging, have you forgiven yourself for whatever things you did in the past that have really got stuck in your heart? Or, are you still postponing those most important decisions hoping maybe that something or someone will come along that will finally nudge you over the edge and you will forgive?

Well, that’s why I’m here. It’s maybe like God is whispering to you one more time, “Please, don’t run away; instead run to forgiveness. End that torment right now.” I mean, aren’t you sick of it? I know that when I learned the full truth about forgiveness – it’s what I taught you in this course u002du002d nothing could stop me from forgiving other people and myself, and I did u002du002d and I still do to this day. In fact, today I am a quick forgiver. Although it’s not always easy u002du002d you know that u002du002d and yet, I am a committed to being a “70 times 7” type of guy. In fact, you could probably write it on my chest in a marker, under my shirt here, ‘70 times 7’. But I’m no longer counting.

So, if you haven’t crossed the bridge, and I’m standing right next to you right now – because if I can forgive, so can you. So take the step. Decide, if you haven’t already, “I hereby promise the Lord that I will forgive everyone and myself by the end of tomorrow”.

Then take that handy course workbook you’ve been using and follow the steps, and you will enjoy the incredible blessings of the Lord upon your life again, anew, afresh. And, why don’t you join me then, and this band of Christ-followers, and become a member of the – I don’t know – how about the’70 times 7’ club? Just never again drop off into the despair of the unforgivers. Come on, make the decision u002du002d if you haven’t already done this u002du002d “I am going to forgive by tomorrow night. Okay, Dr. Bruce, I’m with you.” Are you? “I commit either to forgive or to join with us as a member in good standing u002du002d because you already have forgiven u002du002d being a part of the ‘70 times 7’ global movement.”